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Friday, May 16, 2008

Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Commencement Speaker
 Top Ten   
The entire speech is "Testing 1, 2, 3...testing"
He's wearing a cap, but no gown -- boing!
Only bit of wisdom: "There's a white Ford Taurus with its lights on"
His introduction: "And now, the equipment manager for your Memphis Grizzlies..."
The repeated references to how delicious grape jelly is
Halfway through the speech he chokes on his tassel
He leaves early to beat the traffic
Angrily denounces so-called "book-learnin'"
Thanks to the honorary degree, he's now Dr. Hasselhoff
It's Oprah, But it's not the Oprah
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There is a fifteen minute stretch of just "Uhh..."

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Delivers entire speech in a Carol Channing voice

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Exclaims, "Wow, there are two L's in college?"

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It's a ninety-minute tirade against Norwegian people

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Spends an inordinate amount of time licking the podium

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