It's America's Fastest Growing Quiz Sensation: Know Your Current Events! Before beginning the game, Dave teases a very special "Pinata of Mystery" later in the show. The "Pinata of Mystery" lowers from the rafters and a little bit later, Dave will whack the donkey piñata. What will fall out? It's a mystery. You'll have to wait and see. The "Pinata of Mystery" is our way of celebrating Cinco de Mayo.

Tonight's Know Your Current Events categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your Hybrid Cars
Know Your NFL Draft
Know Your Crate & Barrel Patio Furniture
Know Your Kentucky Derby Jockeys

First up: Angie Brown of Greenville, North Carolina, not far from the Smoky Mountains. Dave asks a few questions about the Smoky Mountains, none of which Angie seems to know the answers to. Elevation? Where are the mountains? Why called the "Smoky Mountains"? Angie didn't help much, but that's why you have the Wahoo Gazette.
The Great Smoky Mountains
-runs along the North Carolina/Tennessee border
-named for the smoke-like haze that lies over the mountains
-highest peak: Clingman's Dome - 6,643 feet.
Angie would like to play, "Know Your Crate & Barrel Patio Furniture.
Question #1: "Crate & Barrel recommends using leftover Golden Care Hardwood Cleaner and Protector to do what?"
Answer: "Add a little zip to margaritas.
Question #2: "Which of the seven lounge positions of the Atrium Chaise is most relaxing?"
Answer: "Position #4."

Contestant #2: Bill, from Boca Raton. What does "Boca Raton" mean? "Mouth of the rat. Bill is a construction contractor. I was just in Boca Raton. I bet he's busy. Lots of blue tarp can still be seen from hurricane season.
Bill selects Know Your Hybrid Cars.
Question #1. "What two power sources are utilized in the Toyota Prius?" Bill answers "Battery and combustible engine."
Nope. Our answer: "a small gasoline engine and a monkey on a treadmill."
Question #2: "In the model name ‘Lexus RX 400H,' the ‘H' stands for what?" Bill answers: A hemi.
Nope. Our answer: "Hope You Have 50 Grand To Buy This Baby."

Contestant #3: Fran, of Lafayette, Louisiana. She's a hairstylist. The hairstylist wants to play, "Know Your Cuts of Meat."
Tonight's meat: Beef Shank Cross Cuts, and Pork Shoulder Arm Picnic.
We weren't able to get to Lobel's today, so instead we got Fran some meat from the supermarket.

And that was Know Your Current Events.

Back from commercial, Dave once again teases the "Late Show Pinata of Death." And he needs to be reminded again that it's the Late Show Pinata of Mystery." (I think Dave was calling it the "Pinata of Death" because it's sweeps.) Dave will bat the piñata later in the show. The good news, Dave was talking to the construction contractor from KYCE during the commercial break and he said he could have the piñata back together in 6 weeks. What is inside the piñata? No one knows. It's a mystery.

Tomorrow is the 132nd Running of the Kentucky Derby. For years, the favorite part of the race for Dave was hearing the race announcer Dave Johnson scream into his microphone as the race's end neared, " . . . . and down the stretch they come!" When ABC lost the rights to the race some years back, NBC did not pick up Dave Johnson. The only place you can now hear, "And down the stretch they come" is on Westwood One Radio. The televised race is not nearly as exciting without that famed announce. Now when you or I are disappointed when something is taken away from us, we can do nothing but sulk. When you are David Letterman, you get on the phone and have sent to you. And that is what Dave has done for the past few years; he's phoned Dave Johnson to have him charge, "and down the stretch they come!"
After some Derby talk, we are ready. Dave Johnson sets up the race, throws in a horse here and there, and then . . . . . . . "AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!" Mr. Letterman is right --- it's one of the great calls in all of sports.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR's "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" speech. We see JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you" speech. We see Bush's "Our position on prostitution . . . I'll have to ask the Secretary on that. Next?"

WILL IT FLOAT: Tonight's item: a fairly big bean and cheese burrito. The Late Show models drop the fairly big bean and cheese burrito into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . FLOATS!

Back from commercial, a controversy has unfolded. Did the fairly big bean and cheese burrito actually float? We revisit the Will It Float tank and discover that although the fairly big bean and cheese burrito initially did float, it eventually sank. We see the fairly big bean and cheese burrito sitting at the bottom of the Will It Float tank. Dave advised, "No payments, pending an investigation."

VINCE VAUGHN: He stars in the soon-to-be-released "The Break-Up." With the Kentucky Derby coming up, Dave asks Vince if he's a fan of the ponies. He remembers going to the track with his dad when he was growing up in Chicago. He would bet the trifecta on the final race in hopes his picks would finish 1-2-3. It's a hard way to make a living. Vince still goes to Hollywood Park every now and then when he is in the mood to lose some money. He's now involved Fantasy Horse Racing, something he does on the internet. Since he doesn't know how to use the internet, it hasn't been going so well.
Vince admits not to being a fan of new technology, figuring that he's gone this far without it, he can easily go the rest of the way. What!? He doesn't own a cell phone!!! Well, I don't either. I mean, I own one but I don't know how to use it. I've gotten 3 calls on it in 5 years. Each call was a wrong number. Plus I never charge it so it's always dead. I like a phone with a cord on it. Dave says he doesn't like cell phones. Every time a cell phone is new and improved, it's smaller than the last one. Now the talking end of the phone is up near the middle of your mandible. But that's not where your mouth is. And they call this progress?
And then in a quick and abrupt change of direction, Dave says, "Hey, nice going on Jennifer Aniston!" Dave and Vince exchange a high-five. Vince says if there is anything going on between he and she, he isn't saying. He prefers to keep his private life private. He does feel a bit bad for the tabloids, though. He knows a guy like Vince Vaughn does not sell magazines and having him seen with Jennifer Aniston doesn't supply nearly the teen and lonely housewife sizzle that the tabloids are looking for. Vince says he feels like a soap opera character the magazines are trying to write off. He feels a bit of a Barbara Walters moment as he tries to keep from weeping. Dave offers a hug and the two hug out" the hurt feelings.
Vince and Jennifer star in the new film, "The Break-Up" which opens June 2nd. I hear it's a bit of the anti-romantic comedy, which immediately catches my interest.

ACT 5: Would you like 5o be in tonight's Late Show audience? Send a postcard to:
I Want To Be In The May 5th, 2006 Late Show Audience
1697 Broadway
New York, New York 10019
Hope to see you on May 5th!
We'll be right back.

KT TUNSTALL: From her CD, "Eye To The Telescope," KT performed "Suddenly I See."

And that was our show for Friday, May 5, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

He did it again. I'm listening to the Yankee game on the radio Thursday night. In between all the in-game commercials, John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman pretend to tell the listener what is happening in the game. Sterling's the guy whose Yankee homerun call is "It is high! It is far! It is goonnnnne!" The only problem is he does this on any deep fly ball. It's about a 50-50 chance that it will go over the wall or it will be caught at the wall. Yankee listeners have learned to wait until Sterling finally says "It is goonnnnnnne!" before getting excited. I made that promise to myself many years ago. But back in a big game in the early ‘90s as I was driving to work on the night shift, Sterling went into his dramatics of "It is high. . . . . . (I refused to get my hopes up) . . . . it is far . . . . . . (nope, he was not going to get me this time) . . . . . it is goooooonnnnnnnne!" I let out a "yippee" and threw my fist in the air. The Yankees tied the game in the 8th inning. What a big home run! And then I hear John Sterling says, " . . . . NO! HE CAUGHT IT!" I growled and swore. The home run was an out. The game was not tied. The Yankees were still losing. The man Sterling is a hack behind the microphone with a capital H-A-C-K. For 15 years now I've tried to follow the Yankees on the radio without listening to the announcer. Try doing that. It's hard. So Thursday night Yankee catcher Jorge Posada is up with a man on base. The Yankees are down by 2. Jorge hits a long fly ball. Sterling goes into his "It is high . . . (I've long since gotten excited by this) . . .it is far . . . . . (nothing from me . . . I expect to be disappointed) . . . it is gooonnnne!" I was surprised that I still was not excited with the game-tying home run. I remember my disappointment from 15 years ago. Sterling begins to describe the home run and where it landed. Not until then did I allow myself the glee of a game-tying home run. And then . . . . and then . . . the S.O.B. did it to me again. He calls it a foul ball. No, hold it, I'm wrong. He says "THEY call it a foul ball," as if maybe the umpires made a mistake and he was right. No home run. No tie game. I again growled and swore.
It's been said that no matter who announces a game, the announcer will not bring fans to watch or listen to the game. The fan will be there for the game; he will not come simply for the announcer. I believe that. No one comes for the announcer. BUT, John Sterling has succeeded in keeping me from coming to the radio. I will think 2, 3, 4, and 5 times before I decide to click on 880-WCBS AM for a Yankee game. John Sterling has made a treasured and comforting enjoyment a chore. He's chased me away. Congratulations, John Sterling. Congratulations, New York Yankees.
I'm sorry. I got carried away there. I planned on just a line or two. But the guy makes me so mad!

A few months ago I was at a house party. We were talking about saints (yeah, it was quite a party) and somebody wanted to know who the patron saint was for May 5. I mentioned that May 5th is Cinco de Mayo. My friend from California said, "Oh, yeah, Cinco de Mayo. Mexico's Independence Day." I tell her that it is not Mexico's Independence Day. She says it is; everybody in California celebrates it. I tell it is not; that Mexico's Independence Day is in . . . . . September. She says I may be right, but Cinco de Mayo is celebrated where she lives as if it were Mexico's Independence Day. Feeling no need to continue, I drop the subject, but tell her it's a common misperception. Then another at the party jumps in and says that Cinco de Mayo is indeed Mexico's Independence Day. He is quite sure. This guy always seems to know a lot about everything and is always so confident in what he says . . . but now I know he is wrong . . . . but he still sounds so confident. He's so confident . . . but he's wrong. I repeat what I told the first person, but he's adamant. To stir things up a little more and to give the perception that I am digging myself into a deeper hole, I tell him that Cinco de Mayo celebrates a single battle the Mexicans won against . . . . . France. And that France eventually went on to win future battles. He scoffs. "You mean Spain, don't you? Mexico is Spanish." I kindly tell him that it is France; that I type up this information for Dave every year, and it is not Mexico's Independence Day. He holds strong to his belief. Since it was his house, I let it go. But ever since, I now take whatever this guy says with a grain of salt and a cup full of doubt. To finish the discussion, I tell him and those around me that I'll Google "Cinco de Mayo" when I get home. I then make sure everyone in the room knows how to Google and hint how easy it is to do it themselves. I'll be bringing up "Cinco de Mayo" again at the next party.

ASK WAHOO MIKE:
From Mike Bogdonoff of Cherry Hill, New Jersey:
"Is it possible to get the Gazette by email? I'd like to be able to read it on the train on the Blackberry."
Wahoo Mike: "WHAT?! AND LOSE A HIT?!"