During the pre-show Q&A, Dave talked to a lovely couple from Wahoo, Nebraska. It is her husband's first time to New York City; the wife was here back when she was in the 7th grade.
They had a question for Dave: "Didn't you used to work as Alfred E. Newman?" And Dave was being so nice to them, too. The control room snaps into action and produces a split screen of Dave and Alfred E. Newman from Mad Magazine. Hmmm.

It's the end of the summer and Dave admits we are quickly running out of ideas to entertain America. We came up with this. Maybe it will work. It's called, "Let's Scare the Hell Out of Rupert."
Paul: "Let's scare the hell out of Rupert, because he's always such a good sport."
We take a look outside the Hello Deli. It is packed with tourists. Yes, if I were visiting New York City and had 2 days to do anything I wanted, I too would spend an hour outside Rupert's Hello Deli. We take a look inside the deli and see Rupert hard at work. The cameraman has an airhorn. The camera guy is going to sneak up on Rupert and blow the horn scaring the beejeezes out of him. Everything is set. The camera guy opens the deli door and slowly and quietly makes his way inside. Rupert's back is turned halfway to the camera. He does not see the camera guy enter. And then the camera guy lifts the airhorn and lets it blow. The sudden bleat from the horn makes a startled Rupert jump two feet into the air. It was a mean trick, but it was funny. But Rupert didn't think it was so funny. He picks up his handy handgun and fires 6 rounds into the camera guy. Blood squirts all over Rupert as the camera guys falls to the ground. Nice turn-of-the-tables, Rupert. I guess the joke was on us. And that's how we play, "Let's Scare the Hell Out of Rupert."

Says Dave, "The scariest part was watching the guy squirting the blood out of the little hose." We see shot the camera shot Dave was talking about. In the corner of the screen you could just barely see the hose squirting the blood.
I wasn't sure how this would work out, but in the end it was a success. It made me laugh.

Even though Joe Lieberman lost the Democratic primary in Connecticut, he's still the heavy favorite to win as an Independent. And being an Independent seems to have loosened Joe up a bit. Dave felt this way once he saw Lieberman's most recent campaign commercial.
Announcer:

"Three-term Senator . . . Vice-Presidential nominee . . . Senator Joe Lieberman has devoted his life to the service of others. Now freed from the shackles of party politics and with victory all but certain, Senator Lieberman would just like to say, ‘I used taxpayer money to buy whores and fireworks.' Joe Lieberman: In Your Face."

Suddenly, a staffer approaches Dave's desk. She has a card for him to sign. Standing directly behind the staffer is another staffer wearing a green Worldwide Pants jacket. Her role in this, nobody knows. So the first staffer says to Dave, "Would you sign a card for Jenny? It's her last day."
Dave hems and haws a bit, then explains that he can't right now since he's in the middle of the show.
The staffer, not happy, snaps "Ungrateful prick. No wonder she's leaving." The staffer and her sidekick exit.

Earlier tonight on the CNN, they ran a two-hour special about Osama bin Laden. They dug up some fascinating information about the man. We are lucky enough to have an excerpt.
Announce:

"Osama bin Laden showed promise at an early age. In 1964, he was the youngest Saudi Arabian ever to make the National Sand Diving Team." We see footage of a young lad jumping head first into the sand.

And then our Costume Designer Sue Hum makes an entrance. She was unhappy with something she saw on Dave's jacket so she runs her lint brush over the garment. Looking on is that woman who was with the staffer minutes earlier.
Dave says, "Thank you, Sue, but I really don't need that. My jacket's fine."
Sue stops, looks at Dave, and says, "The staff hates you." She exits, followed by that woman in the green coat.
Who is that with Sue Hum? I don't know. I think it may be Jenny.

GEORGE W. BUSH WHAT IN TARNATION?! From his press conference Monday morning. We see the President shudder his jowls. Huh? Dave asks to see it again, this time in slow-motion.

Back from commercial, we see that woman walk in front of the camera. I hope it's Jenny, because if it isn't, it's going to be her last day anyway. Why does she keep walking in front of the camera?

During the break, Dave noticed a guy in the audience who was wearing some Late Show paraphernalia. The CBS store outside the theater sells all sorts of CBS and Late Show stuff. Dave asks the guy about the Late Show sweatshirt he is wearing. It cost him $45. Dave, being a good sport, has our Eddie Brill give him back the $45. After a bit more conversation, the guy asks Dave if this part of the show is going to be on the TV tonight? Dave says it will be. The guy then says he will be right back. And off he runs out the side door. He hops in to his car and drives off. We see him drive for miles and miles. He arrives at his home and runs into his house. He quickly throws a VHS tape into his VCR and presses "Record." He then hurries back to the theater and returns to his seat.
That's nice. The fellow will have his appearance on the Late Show on tape forever . . . and then accidentally tape over it . . . and then go on the internet and ask the Letterman Late Show newsgroup where he can get a copy of Show #2607, from August 23, 2006. He will then be ridiculed and he'll never be given a straight answer . . . and then they will ask him for a trip report. But that's a story for another day.

At the end of the piece, Dave sounded like a true New Yorker. He was not impressed with the guy's race home to put in a tape. No. Dave only wanted to know, "How did you get that parking place?" His car was parked right outside the theater.

JOHN MCENROE: he's the tennis commentator for CBS and the USA network in the upcoming U.S. Open. I like John McEnroe, both as a player and behind the microphone. His style is the same in both; he comes right at you and holds nothing back.
I thought John had hung up his racquet but I was wrong. He recently won a doubles tournament in San Jose with Jonas Bjorkman. Many might think it was John who carried the doubles team, and he was more than glad to let them think that, but when Bjorkman made the semi-finals at Wimbledon, the truth came out; he had partnered up with one heckuva player. He says Pete Sampras may get back in the game in doubles. John says that after Pete had a second child, he's looking to get out of the house a little more often. He may use ‘doubles' as an excuse.
Dave and John talk about the new and improve equipment in the game of tennis that gets bigger and better every year. Because of the equipment, John says he can serve a ball faster today than he ever has before. He can't predict where it will go, but it goes faster than ever. Whenever John is on the show, this subject comes up. They usually end up agreeing that if the players used the racquets of the 1970s, the game would be better. There would be longer volleys and more skill would be required instead of brute force.

Dave wonders where John got his temperament on the court. Dave has seen John's parents and they always seemed normal, nice, and mild-mannered. John blames his temper on two things:
#1. environment - living in New York City, every night you drive home you're guaranteed to get 8 "Hey, a**hole!" thrown your way.
#2. His dad. Although his dad would always tell John he didn't need to yell at the line judge or the competition, his dad would get in his face and scream it at him. "YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT!!! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!!"

Who does John like in the U.S. Open? John says you have to of course go with Federer, whom he calls the best player in history. He would also like to see Roddick do well now that Jimmy Connors is coaching him. Having Jimmy Connors back in the game would be good for the game. And of course Andre Agassi. It's his final year before he retires and it would be great to see Andre go out on a high note. The U.S. Open - it all starts August 28th.

ARTIE LANGE: He's probably best known as being a member of the Howard Stern radio show, now heard on Sirius Radio. He's now produced, written, and stars in a brand new movie, "Artie Lange's Beer League." This isn't his first movie he's in, but hopefully it isn't his first movie that sucks. You may be familiar with Artie's first movie, "Dirty Work", with Norm MacDonald. There was a split second pause to await the audience applause. Mention any movie and actor and the audience will applause in recognition . . . . unless, apparently, you mention "Dirty Work" and/or Norm MacDonald. It got nothing from the audience. His main concern working on this first film of his was just trying not to get fired. Also in the film was Don Rickles, and it was directed by the great Bob Saget. In the very first scene shot in the film, the very first day, Don Rickles was to get right in the face of Artie and throw venomous barbs his way. It was decided that it would be better for Don to simply work off the cuff without a script. Whatever Don would come up with would likely be funnier than what was written. Rickles is a genius when it comes to stuff like that. So the first line in the first scene on the first day, Don gets in Artie's face and says, "Look at you, look at you, you baby gorilla." Artie laughs. Norm laughs. And the next 20 times they tried it they laughed. Artie was very afraid he was going to get fired. Eventually, they get through it. And now the next line. "Basken Robbins called me . . . and they said you ate them down to 5 flavors. . . . you fat disgusting slob." Norm and Artie laugh again and laugh the next 20 times they tried it. This happened time and time again that day whenever Don Rickles was in a scene.
"Artie Lange's Beer League" opens September 15th in selected cities. It's about a beer softball league that takes place in New Jersey. Dave asks if he was ever involved in a league like that . . . a beer league. Artie gasps, "Oh, God yeah."
In the beer leagues I played in, the losing team had to pay for the keg at the bar. This was always a good league to be in, especially when the games were held on Sunday mornings. You'd start right up where you left off the night before. "Artie Lange's Beer League" - I'll be seeing it.

I miss Artie and the gang on The Howard Stern Show. Being in the media, and writing about the media, shouldn't I be able to get the Sirius for free? Or at least make it a tax write-off? Why don't I have a brother-in-law as an accountant? An accountant could help me here. Doesn't everybody have an accountant for a brother-in-law?

ACT 5: It's our announcer Alan Kalter bopping to his iPod.

Before Dave can introduce Busta Rhymes, the woman once again walks in front of the camera.

BUSTA RHYMES: From his new CD, "The Big Bang," Busta performed "Touch It, I Love My Bitch, New York ‘Djoy'"

And that was our show for Wednesday, August 23, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Here's something that's going to make me sound really stupid. I've been reading about droughts and drinkable water shortages across the country and around the world recently. Water is two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen . . . H2O. Now the stupid part . . . is it possible to make water? You know, like in a lab? Get some hydrogen and oxygen, put it in a bag and shake it up, and you got water. . . that sort of thing. If you're like me, you would laugh at such a question as being too ridiculous. But when asked to explain why you can't make water, you couldn't explain. So I'm on part 2 of my question. I already know the idea is too stupid, but now I want to know why not. Can't some really smart guy with eyeglasses in a laboratory combine hydrogen and oxygen to make water?

But more important than knowing how to make water, as a Yankee fan I want no part of the Anaheim Angels or the Minnesota Twins in the playoffs.

How is this JonBenet guy able to walk around without a muscle in his body? I see skin on the guy. I detect a skeleton. I can see some body mass. But I can't see one single muscle. He's the only guy I've ever seen made of jello who isn't fat.

I was driving in to work this morning and I hear a radio commercial for Chock Full O' Nuts coffee. I remember the jingle from when I was just a kid some 35-40 years ago.

Chock full o'Nuts is that heavenly coffee,
heavenly coffee, heavenly coffee
Chock full o'Nuts is that heavenly coffee,
Better coffee a millionaire's money can't buy.

And then I went and Googled Chock Full O' Nuts and found this in the Wikipedia.

"The original jingle had ‘Rockefeller's money' but it was replaced by ‘millionaire's' after Nelson Rockefeller, who had coffee businesses in Latin America, sued."