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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Billy Bob Thornton; Rashida Jones; and Barenaked Ladies.
PLUS: Audience Show and Tell; Walter Brennan’s Academy Award; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and True Tale of Late Show Interns.
ACT 1
It’s the fastest growing party sensation in all the land; it’s Audience Show and Tell. 1. Betty Holdvogt of Melrose, Minnesota. Holdvogt – it’s German for “good land owner.” Does it fit? Betty says her folks are farmers, so perhaps it does.
Betty is a human resources intern at an automotive tool making company called, the SPX Corporation. Dave ponders a moment and exclaims, “Oh, the SPX Corporation . . . they make. . . . sunscreen?” No, Dave is thinking of SPF.
So what does Betty have for us tonight? Back in 2003, Betty was selected to be a Minnesota Dairy Princess. So impressed was Dave that he led a standing ovation for Ms. Holdvogt. And then she became a finalist in the Minnesota Dairy Queen Competition. This led Dave to encourage another standing ovation. And from all this, she had a sculpture made of herself . . . made of butter! And she has the butter sculpture here tonight. Biff brings down the 50-pound head of oleo and it looks magnificent. Such a tribute having your head in butter! Nice job, Ms. Holdvogt.
And now the informational part of the Wahoo Gazette: I was curious about Minnesota having a Dairy Princess. Is Minnesota one of our bigger dairy states? I looked it up and came up with this:
And what are the top 10 milk producing states in the nation?
California
Wisconsin
New York
Pennsylvania
Idaho
Minnesota
New Mexico
Michigan
Texas
Washington
2. Julia Skidmore of Fort Meyers, Florida. She and her boyfriend are here celebrating their two-year anniversary of dating. And that calls for a standing ovation. She’s a lending specialist at Bank of America. What’s Julia got for us?
Julia can swallow most of her fist. Hmmm. Dave asks, “Is that good news or bad news for your boyfriend?” Julia demonstrates her talent and shoves her fist into her mouth. I’m not sure if this demonstrates a big mouth or a small fist. Whichever, it is quite a talent.
3. Erin Turnbow of The Woodlands, Texas. Erin is a 2nd grade teacher. No, I don’t mean she is a sub-standard teacher; I mean she teaches the second grade. How are the kids in the second grade? Erin is happy to report they can read, write, and tie their shoes. What’s she doing in New York? She is here on vacation. Dave says February in New York is a fine time to come here. How is she enjoying the freezing rain today?
What does Erin have for us tonight?
Erin can “jump rope” by linking her arms together and leaping through them. How about that? Erin takes off her jacket and shoes. She links her hands behind her back, brings them over her head, and then leaps over and through her clasp hands. Not an easy thing to do . . . although I will be trying that at Murphy’s this Saturday night.
And that was Audience Show and Tell, our first since September 21, 2006.
ACT 2
The Academy Awards are on ABC this Sunday and we thought it would be fun to take a look back at a memorable moment in Academy Award history. It’s something we call, “The Academy Awards: A Look Back.” Announcer: “After receiving his third Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in 1940, gifted character actor Walter Brennan traded it . . . for sex with a whore.”
We see an old photo of a sleazy hotel called, “The Blue Swallow.” I guess if you’re going to name a sleazy hotel, that’s pretty good.
And for what did Walter Brennan “Best Supporting Actor” in 1940? For his role as Judge Roy Bean in the film, The Westerner.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “My lawyer’s a Latino.”
TOP TEN: Messages Left On Britney Spears’ Answering Machine. #10. “It’s Bill Clinton. I hear you’re confused and vulnerable. Call me.” #4. “NASA calling. We think you might be astronaut material.” BILLY BOB THORNTON: He’s in the new film, The Astronaut Farmer, which opens Friday (today). Billy Bob is a dad to3; 2 teen boys and a 2-1/2 year old daughter. And she’s the boss. Billy finds it easy with the boys. When he’s tired, he always could tell the boys to go play with their trucks or something like that. But with his daughter, “I do whatever she tells me.” The other day she wanted them to be cats, so Billy got down on his hand and knees on the hardwood floor and meowed and crawled like a kitty cat for hours. Dave laughs and says he knows exactly what Billy is talking about.
Billy Bob has been nominated 3 times for an Academy Award, winning once. What was that like when he won? He says it was all a blur, which he admits is the stock answer when asked, but remembers clearly one image. He attended the event with his mother, or rather, his mother was escorted by his good friend Dwight Yoakum While Billy was being interviewed on the red carpet, out of the corner of his eye he spied his mom talking to Red Buttons. I laughed, as I like to use Red Buttons as a reference when telling stories. Unfortunately, I never met the man.
The morning after the Academy Awards he did the Oprah show by telephone. He says it was around 5:00 in the morning and . . . “I was wasted.” When you win, it’s like a two-day affair. You have to meet and talk with everybody before, during, and after all the parties. So he was on the phone for Oprah . . . and fell asleep. Yes, Billy Bob fell asleep on the Oprah show. And he lived to tell about it.
Billy Bob is a big Indianapolis Colts fan and is proudly wearing a Colts shirt. He attended the Super Bowl and was getting soaked by the rain. His buddy John Travolta was also at the game, but he was warm and snug upstairs in one of those luxury boxes. Billy called John at halftime and scored an invite up to the suite. Nice job, Billy Bob. For the rest of the segment, I was trying to figure out Billy Bob’s attachment to the Indianapolis Colts. He’s from Arkansas and when he was growing up the Colts were in Baltimore. Not a match. My guess, being he is a rural kind of guy, is he liked the horseshoe on the Colts helmet. And come to think of it, I can picture Billy Boy wearing an old Colt 45’s baseball cap in many photos. I guess the guy likes Colts. There’s the connection. Doesn’t matter if I’m right . . . that’s what I’m going with.
Billy Bob’s new film, “The Astronaut Farmer,” opens today. It looks like something I would like to take my girls to; a good old-fashioned happy ending story.
Oh, I almost forgot . . . Billy Boy describes what it’s like to be a celebrity. He says it’s hard going out when you’re a celebrity. You just don’t want to be bothered, but when you’re a celebrity and you go out in public, it always seems like somebody is throwing a surprise party for you. It’s awful, but you put up with it. That’s the best description I’ve heard about celebrity-ness.
ACT 3RASHIDA JONES: She’s from the NBC hit show, The Office. And she’s the daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton. The show hasn’t been on in decades, but mention “Peggy Lipton” and anyone near my age will says, “Oh, ‘Mod Squad.’”
Of course a daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton must have some music background and she has performed professionally as a singer, but she says the music business is a very shady business and much too hard.
Now that she is on The Office, she finds that people approach her as if they know her. Rashida was out shopping the other day and tried on a dress. She showed it to her friend when a complete stranger nosed in and said, “It’s not flattering.” Rashida was about to say, “Yeah, maybe you’re right . . . “ but then realized, “Hey! I don’t even know you!”
Rashida is also a hunter. She recently traveled to Italy to hunt for the elusive white Alba truffle, the most sought-after truffle in the world. She went on a guided truffle-hunting trip, led by a guy and his dog. Pigs used to be used to hunt truffles, but the pigs would eat them once they were discovered. This pretty much defeated the whole purpose. Dogs will find them, but not eat. Truffles tend to grow between the roots of lime trees and oak trees, about two feet down. This calls for a lot of digging. Unfortunately on this trip, she came up empty. But not all was lost . . . Rashida went out and bought a truffle big enough to serve twenty. It cost her $200. Yikes. For that price, I would have kept looking. The Office – Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC.
ACT 4: It’s our very popular segment, “True Tales of Late Show Interns.”
We find one of our interns trying to fix a busted and jammed copier. Uh oh. Problems. We next see him running down 53rd Street afire.
Dave is not too happy. Lighting an intern on fire does bad things to your insurance rate. That’s going to cost us.
ACT 5: Alan: “And now it’s time for ‘Something For The Kitties.’”
Over the audience shot, we see a picture of a big blue ball of yarn.
“This has been ‘Something For The Kitties.’ Keep it real.”
ACT 6 BARENAKED LADIES: from their CD, “Barenaked Ladies Are Me,” the Barenaked Ladies performed “Sound of Your Voice.”
And that was our show for Thursday February 22, 2007.
Wimbledon has announced that for the first time the women’s tennis champ will receive the same prize money as the men’s champion. And I wonder what this does for the “Equal pay for equal work” argument?
Men’s Tennis is best of 5. Women’s is best of 3. Men play longer, which means more snacking by patrons and more commercial time for TV. Should the men and women champs be paid the same?
And now, MikeMack’s Secret To Success:
“Don’t Do The Minimum”
Tony Mendez and Stephanie Birkitt of “The Tony Mendez Show” will be in the guest chairs Friday night. Something big is going to be revealed.
In Honor of our First President on his Birthday:
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
Day in, day out, you learn something new reading the Wahoo Gazette. Remember that when you’re making out your “Christmas Tips” list.
And the other day I gave some Abraham Lincoln Fun Facts. One fact I included was:
- “Lincoln’s brother fought in the Confederate Army.”
I have since been informed that Lincoln did not have a brother and it was his brother-in-law who fought with the Confederate Army. Actually, the way it was written on the site I found was the following:
- “Lincoln's brother, half-brothers, and brothers-in-law fought in the Confederate Army.”
Now I could easily blame the website for the mistake since I copied from it, but since I don’t credit websites when “I” am right, I won’t blame them when I am wrong. Which reminds me of a pet peeve I have during Awards shows . . . . Watch the Academy Awards this Sunday night. There will be a high-paid presenter up there at the podium who will blather some unfunny scripted line. The response from the audience will be dead silence. The presenter will then say, “Hey, don’t blame me . . . that’s the way it was written.” BUT if this same presenter gives a line that is met with huge applause and laughter, the presenter will proudly accept the accolades as if it were his own cleverness behind the line. They never credit the writer.
A presenter’s credo is this: “Always blame, never credit, the writer”
And now it’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”.
The inventor of the TV remote control died the other day. We show a tribute. Halfway through, the channel changes and eventually stops on the opening theme to “Green Acres.” How ironic.
This concludes another installment of “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show.”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Toronto, Canada, it’s Tristan Bell.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Billy Bob Thornton; Rashida Jones; and Barenaked Ladies.
PLUS: Audience Show and Tell; Walter Brennan’s Academy Award; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and True Tale of Late Show Interns.
ACT 1
It’s the fastest growing party sensation in all the land; it’s Audience Show and Tell. 1. Betty Holdvogt of Melrose, Minnesota. Holdvogt – it’s German for “good land owner.” Does it fit? Betty says her folks are farmers, so perhaps it does.
Betty is a human resources intern at an automotive tool making company called, the SPX Corporation. Dave ponders a moment and exclaims, “Oh, the SPX Corporation . . . they make. . . . sunscreen?” No, Dave is thinking of SPF.
So what does Betty have for us tonight? Back in 2003, Betty was selected to be a Minnesota Dairy Princess. So impressed was Dave that he led a standing ovation for Ms. Holdvogt. And then she became a finalist in the Minnesota Dairy Queen Competition. This led Dave to encourage another standing ovation. And from all this, she had a sculpture made of herself . . . made of butter! And she has the butter sculpture here tonight. Biff brings down the 50-pound head of oleo and it looks magnificent. Such a tribute having your head in butter! Nice job, Ms. Holdvogt.
And now the informational part of the Wahoo Gazette: I was curious about Minnesota having a Dairy Princess. Is Minnesota one of our bigger dairy states? I looked it up and came up with this:
And what are the top 10 milk producing states in the nation?
California
Wisconsin
New York
Pennsylvania
Idaho
Minnesota
New Mexico
Michigan
Texas
Washington
2. Julia Skidmore of Fort Meyers, Florida. She and her boyfriend are here celebrating their two-year anniversary of dating. And that calls for a standing ovation. She’s a lending specialist at Bank of America. What’s Julia got for us?
Julia can swallow most of her fist. Hmmm. Dave asks, “Is that good news or bad news for your boyfriend?” Julia demonstrates her talent and shoves her fist into her mouth. I’m not sure if this demonstrates a big mouth or a small fist. Whichever, it is quite a talent.
3. Erin Turnbow of The Woodlands, Texas. Erin is a 2nd grade teacher. No, I don’t mean she is a sub-standard teacher; I mean she teaches the second grade. How are the kids in the second grade? Erin is happy to report they can read, write, and tie their shoes. What’s she doing in New York? She is here on vacation. Dave says February in New York is a fine time to come here. How is she enjoying the freezing rain today?
What does Erin have for us tonight?
Erin can “jump rope” by linking her arms together and leaping through them. How about that? Erin takes off her jacket and shoes. She links her hands behind her back, brings them over her head, and then leaps over and through her clasp hands. Not an easy thing to do . . . although I will be trying that at Murphy’s this Saturday night.
And that was Audience Show and Tell, our first since September 21, 2006.
ACT 2
The Academy Awards are on ABC this Sunday and we thought it would be fun to take a look back at a memorable moment in Academy Award history. It’s something we call, “The Academy Awards: A Look Back.” Announcer: “After receiving his third Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in 1940, gifted character actor Walter Brennan traded it . . . for sex with a whore.”
We see an old photo of a sleazy hotel called, “The Blue Swallow.” I guess if you’re going to name a sleazy hotel, that’s pretty good.
And for what did Walter Brennan “Best Supporting Actor” in 1940? For his role as Judge Roy Bean in the film, The Westerner.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “My lawyer’s a Latino.”
TOP TEN: Messages Left On Britney Spears’ Answering Machine. #10. “It’s Bill Clinton. I hear you’re confused and vulnerable. Call me.” #4. “NASA calling. We think you might be astronaut material.” BILLY BOB THORNTON: He’s in the new film, The Astronaut Farmer, which opens Friday (today). Billy Bob is a dad to3; 2 teen boys and a 2-1/2 year old daughter. And she’s the boss. Billy finds it easy with the boys. When he’s tired, he always could tell the boys to go play with their trucks or something like that. But with his daughter, “I do whatever she tells me.” The other day she wanted them to be cats, so Billy got down on his hand and knees on the hardwood floor and meowed and crawled like a kitty cat for hours. Dave laughs and says he knows exactly what Billy is talking about.
Billy Bob has been nominated 3 times for an Academy Award, winning once. What was that like when he won? He says it was all a blur, which he admits is the stock answer when asked, but remembers clearly one image. He attended the event with his mother, or rather, his mother was escorted by his good friend Dwight Yoakum While Billy was being interviewed on the red carpet, out of the corner of his eye he spied his mom talking to Red Buttons. I laughed, as I like to use Red Buttons as a reference when telling stories. Unfortunately, I never met the man.
The morning after the Academy Awards he did the Oprah show by telephone. He says it was around 5:00 in the morning and . . . “I was wasted.” When you win, it’s like a two-day affair. You have to meet and talk with everybody before, during, and after all the parties. So he was on the phone for Oprah . . . and fell asleep. Yes, Billy Bob fell asleep on the Oprah show. And he lived to tell about it.
Billy Bob is a big Indianapolis Colts fan and is proudly wearing a Colts shirt. He attended the Super Bowl and was getting soaked by the rain. His buddy John Travolta was also at the game, but he was warm and snug upstairs in one of those luxury boxes. Billy called John at halftime and scored an invite up to the suite. Nice job, Billy Bob. For the rest of the segment, I was trying to figure out Billy Bob’s attachment to the Indianapolis Colts. He’s from Arkansas and when he was growing up the Colts were in Baltimore. Not a match. My guess, being he is a rural kind of guy, is he liked the horseshoe on the Colts helmet. And come to think of it, I can picture Billy Boy wearing an old Colt 45’s baseball cap in many photos. I guess the guy likes Colts. There’s the connection. Doesn’t matter if I’m right . . . that’s what I’m going with.
Billy Bob’s new film, “The Astronaut Farmer,” opens today. It looks like something I would like to take my girls to; a good old-fashioned happy ending story.
Oh, I almost forgot . . . Billy Boy describes what it’s like to be a celebrity. He says it’s hard going out when you’re a celebrity. You just don’t want to be bothered, but when you’re a celebrity and you go out in public, it always seems like somebody is throwing a surprise party for you. It’s awful, but you put up with it. That’s the best description I’ve heard about celebrity-ness.
ACT 3RASHIDA JONES: She’s from the NBC hit show, The Office. And she’s the daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton. The show hasn’t been on in decades, but mention “Peggy Lipton” and anyone near my age will says, “Oh, ‘Mod Squad.’”
Of course a daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton must have some music background and she has performed professionally as a singer, but she says the music business is a very shady business and much too hard.
Now that she is on The Office, she finds that people approach her as if they know her. Rashida was out shopping the other day and tried on a dress. She showed it to her friend when a complete stranger nosed in and said, “It’s not flattering.” Rashida was about to say, “Yeah, maybe you’re right . . . “ but then realized, “Hey! I don’t even know you!”
Rashida is also a hunter. She recently traveled to Italy to hunt for the elusive white Alba truffle, the most sought-after truffle in the world. She went on a guided truffle-hunting trip, led by a guy and his dog. Pigs used to be used to hunt truffles, but the pigs would eat them once they were discovered. This pretty much defeated the whole purpose. Dogs will find them, but not eat. Truffles tend to grow between the roots of lime trees and oak trees, about two feet down. This calls for a lot of digging. Unfortunately on this trip, she came up empty. But not all was lost . . . Rashida went out and bought a truffle big enough to serve twenty. It cost her $200. Yikes. For that price, I would have kept looking. The Office – Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC.
ACT 4: It’s our very popular segment, “True Tales of Late Show Interns.”
We find one of our interns trying to fix a busted and jammed copier. Uh oh. Problems. We next see him running down 53rd Street afire.
Dave is not too happy. Lighting an intern on fire does bad things to your insurance rate. That’s going to cost us.
ACT 5: Alan: “And now it’s time for ‘Something For The Kitties.’”
Over the audience shot, we see a picture of a big blue ball of yarn.
“This has been ‘Something For The Kitties.’ Keep it real.”
ACT 6 BARENAKED LADIES: from their CD, “Barenaked Ladies Are Me,” the Barenaked Ladies performed “Sound of Your Voice.”
And that was our show for Thursday February 22, 2007.
Wimbledon has announced that for the first time the women’s tennis champ will receive the same prize money as the men’s champion. And I wonder what this does for the “Equal pay for equal work” argument?
Men’s Tennis is best of 5. Women’s is best of 3. Men play longer, which means more snacking by patrons and more commercial time for TV. Should the men and women champs be paid the same?
And now, MikeMack’s Secret To Success:
“Don’t Do The Minimum”
Tony Mendez and Stephanie Birkitt of “The Tony Mendez Show” will be in the guest chairs Friday night. Something big is going to be revealed.
In Honor of our First President on his Birthday:
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
Day in, day out, you learn something new reading the Wahoo Gazette. Remember that when you’re making out your “Christmas Tips” list.
And the other day I gave some Abraham Lincoln Fun Facts. One fact I included was:
- “Lincoln’s brother fought in the Confederate Army.”
I have since been informed that Lincoln did not have a brother and it was his brother-in-law who fought with the Confederate Army. Actually, the way it was written on the site I found was the following:
- “Lincoln's brother, half-brothers, and brothers-in-law fought in the Confederate Army.”
Now I could easily blame the website for the mistake since I copied from it, but since I don’t credit websites when “I” am right, I won’t blame them when I am wrong. Which reminds me of a pet peeve I have during Awards shows . . . . Watch the Academy Awards this Sunday night. There will be a high-paid presenter up there at the podium who will blather some unfunny scripted line. The response from the audience will be dead silence. The presenter will then say, “Hey, don’t blame me . . . that’s the way it was written.” BUT if this same presenter gives a line that is met with huge applause and laughter, the presenter will proudly accept the accolades as if it were his own cleverness behind the line. They never credit the writer.
A presenter’s credo is this: “Always blame, never credit, the writer”
And now it’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”.
The inventor of the TV remote control died the other day. We show a tribute. Halfway through, the channel changes and eventually stops on the opening theme to “Green Acres.” How ironic.
This concludes another installment of “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show.”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Toronto, Canada, it’s Tristan Bell.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Audience Show & Tell Watch now
ACT 2 • Academy Awards: A Look Back • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches • Top Ten Messages Left on Britney Spears' Answering Machine Read now
• Billy Bob Thornton
ACT 3 • Rashida Jones
ACT 4 • True Tales of the Late Show Interns
ACT 5 • And Now, It's Time For "Something For The Kitties"
