DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Samuel L. Jackson; Christiane Amanpour; and Tom Russell. PLUS:China Airlines; Leona Helmsley; World’s Oldest Gum; Great Moments; a Top Ten List; What’s on the iPod; and Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.
“ . . . and now, ape-obsessed anthropologist . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
During the pre-show Q&A, Dave learns we have a couple in the audience celebrating their 17th wedding anniversary. Dave presents them with a “dinner for two.” The happy couple is from Nova Scotia, where it never rains.
There was almost a terrible tragedy yesterday in Japan involving a plane from China. We take a look at the report. Announcer:“Yesterday, a China Airline plane burst into flames. Thankfully no one was hurt and now authorities have discovered what caused the horrific fireball. One of the passengers brought on a bottle of shampoo that was over three ounces. China Airlines --- Kids love our emergency slides!”
Infamous hotel queen Leona Helmsley passed away yesterday and ever since the news broke, the tributes have been pouring in. We had a few of them on videotape tonight.
Roll vt – photo of Leona. Over the photo is the quote: “Leona Helmsley loved this city and epitomized what it means to be a New Yorker.” - Michael Bloomberg.
“Her drive and determination made all of her competitors work harder.” – Donald Trump.
“Does this mean her dog is for sale?” – Michael Vick.
There was an amazing discovery in Finland recently. They found chewing gum that is between 5,500 and 6,000 years old. One of Dave buddies, from college I believe, lent the relic to Dave to let him show it on the show. Dave slowly unwraps the ancient shroud which contains the chewing gum . . . but it’s not there. What happened to the 6,000-year-old chewing gum?
Cut to Biff, who is chewing on a big wad of gum. Biff shrugs his shoulders and breaks out into a big grin. We freeze on Biff as a big graphic reveals: “That’s Our Biff!” Wacky music.
GREAT MOMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
- We see FDR.
- We see JFK.
- We see George W. Bush: “Better cover up your bald head.”
ACT 2 WHAT’S ON THE IPOD? – We say a quick hello to Rupert and send him out to get a contestant.
TOP TEN MIKE VICK EXCUSES 10. “House came with a dogfighting pit, and it seemed like a shame to waste it.”
WHAT’S ON THE IPOD?
Back to Rupert’s to find him with Sarah of San Diego. Dave raves about the city of San Diego and mentions many of the hotspots he’s visited in the area.
Sarah is a second grade teacher and she thinks the 7-year-olds are adorable. She’s about to start only her second year of teaching, which probably explains why she thinks the 7-year-olds are adorable.
How we play “What’s on the iPod?” – Rupert will sing along to what’s on his iPod. Sarah will have 30 seconds to determine what the song Rupert is singing. Dave turns to Alan Kalter and asks what we are playing for. Alan begins to whisper the song Rupert will be singing. Dave quickly stops Alan and tells him he wants to know what we are playing for, not the song we will be playing. Alan, still in a whisper, says, “Oh, you stopped me just in time.”
Tonight we are playing for a Black & Decker Electric Kettle.
The song: “Rock Star” by Nickelback.
Rupert begins to sing. Poor Sarah can’t make heads or tails out of it. I particularly liked the lyric: “I want a brand new ass” sung by Rupert. At the end of 30 seconds, Sarah can’t venture a guess.
But there are no losers on “What’s on the iPod?” Sarah is awarded a Hello Deli deli platter.
ACT 3 SAMUEL L. JACKSON: In the film, Resurrecting the Champ, opening this Friday.
What were summers like for Samuel as a kid? Samuel says he grew up in a poor neighborhood and while some would travel a distance to the local YMCA to cool off in the pool, he and his friends took to the closer Tennessee River. It certainly wasn’t as safe as the Y, and that’s the very reason why they would swim in the river. It’s what kids do. The river was dirty and had lots of hidden currents and rocks and things to jump off of. You could understand why a parent wouldn’t want their child swimming in the Tennessee River, but you could also understand why a kid would.
Dave says when most people look back at what they did during childhood, they’re amazed they’re still alive. What did Dave do that threatened his life as a kid? Fireworks. Dave remembers firing up the mini-dynamite whenever he could. How old was Dave? Around 9, 10 years old. Samuel L. laughs in recognition and says how there was always one dumb kid who would hold the firework that had a real short wick. Dave points to himself and says, “That ‘dumb kid’ was me.”
Much of Samuel’s new film was shot in Calgary, Canada and was able to watch the world famous rodeo, the Calgary Stampede, “The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth.”
His favorite event was the Chuckwagon Races. The chuckwagon was the wagon they used to cook in, so it carried the stove and the tent poles. In the chuckwagon race, the wagons are loaded and then the drivers of the 6 chuckwagons and 4 outside riders on horseback for each chuckwagon race around the track. At the end, the wagons have to be unloaded. It’s complete mayhem.
Samuel L’s new film, “Resurrecting the Champ” opens this Friday and is about a former boxing champion who has fallen on very hard times. Samuel L. plays that boxer. A young reporter wants to do a story on him. We see a clip from the film.
SHECKY FOOTAGE! We cut to old black and white footage of two kitty cats boxing in a ring. Ooops. Wrong clip. We take a look at the actual clip from “Resurrecting the Champ.” It looks like a keeper. It’s on my very short lists of films I’d like to see.
ACT 4 ALAN KALTER’S CELEBRITY INTERVIEW – It’s a favorite segment of ours. Dave introduces Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.
You can watch this segment for yourself by clicking on the appropriate link under "Last Night on the Late Show."
ACT 5 Announce: “Guests of ‘Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview’ receive a $75 gift certificate to Men’s Wearhouse.
Men’s Wearhouse --- you’ll like the way you look.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR: Her 3-part documentary, “CNN Presents: God’s Warriors” is on airing on CNN, Tuesday thru Wednesday. It takes a close look at Judaism (Tuesday), Muslim (Wednesday), and Christianity (Thursday) in the world today. I have a feeling the followers are all the same except they play for different teams.
Christiana was born in England and raised in Iran. Christiane says she had a very normal, fun upbringing with lots of playing and swimming and stuff kids normally do. She and her family left a few weeks before the Shah was officially overthrown in early 1979 and returned to England. She followed the Revolution in Iran very closely and became fascinated with news. In 1983, she got a job with CNN in its third year of existence. She’s been with them ever since. She credits her getting the job on her interview. One of the questions was, “What’s the capital of Iran?” Having lived there much of her life helped in knowing the answer. She has gotten to know Ted Turner, the creator behind CNN, over the years and says he was “cable before cable was cool.” Ted is a great thinker, ahead of the pack on the environment, the Cold War, and a great philanthrope.
Being a war correspondent in the Middle East does present quite a bit of danger and points out that the leading cause of death among journalists is deliberate, not accidental. Journalists are no longer looked upon as the “honest broker” and their lives constantly at risk. She admits now that she’s a mom of a 7-year-old boy she a lot more conscience of staying alive.
“CNN Presents: God’s Warriors” – I watched last night’s installment. Very good, lots of information. I’ll be watching Parts 2 and 3 tonight and tomorrow.
ACT 7 TOM RUSSELL: From his new CD, “Wounded Heart of America,” Tom Russell performed “Whose Gonna Build Your Wall?” The song asks a lot of questions. 30 years ago the answer to all those questions would be: “Me and my friends my age.”
And that was our show for Tuesday, August 21, 2007.
Leona Helmsley died yesterday . . . and she thought dying was just for the little people.
And speaking of dying, in six months I’ll be 50.
I don’t get too excited about too many things these days but the announcement of a new Bruce Springsteen album with the E Street Band gets me charged up just a bit.
Many believe Michael Vick will be sentenced to a one-year prison term. That’s 7 years in dog years. I wrote that early Tuesday morning, and then I heard something just like it during Tuesday’s monologue. The over/under for hearing that joke this week, or one similar, is 34.
I was at the Jersey Shore last week. We’ve been going there for 15 years now and my wife Denise has been going for even longer than that. Her sisters’ families and friends also spent the week and it’s a lot of fun. But some are growing tired of the small living quarters at ever increasing prices. What has happened is people have recently sold and bought these beach shacks at a high price and then poured more money into making the shacks look nice. Now in order to make some of that money back, the owners have to charge a higher weekly rent. The long-time renters are starting to rebel. They come for the ocean and beach; not so much the housing. And since the cost to rent has shot up, the renters are now expecting more bang for their buck in their shack; only the best furniture and air conditioners and TVs and microwaves and bathrooms and barbecue grills. The higher the rents go, the higher the expectations. It’s an upward spiral that doesn’t appear to be stopping soon.
We are currently considering the Outer Banks of North Carolina, the beaches of Delaware and Virginia, or other areas along New Jersey. But no matter where we go, although we might find a better house, I doubt we’ll find better sand or ocean waves than Ocean Beach in Lavellette, New Jersey.
I am sort of against air conditioners at the beach houses, although I admit it’s probably really needed for one week a year. Years ago late at night, people would sit inside their little cottage with the windows wide open and get a taste of that sweet ocean breeze. Now everyone shuts themselves inside, windows shut tight, with the air conditioners blasting. You might at well be home. And if you’re sitting outside, all you hear is the constant hum of the running A.Cs. I must be getting old because I really like the quiet.
And now that I’m home after a week at the shore, my head will start peeling in a few more days. And when a bald head peels, it looks like the worst case of dandruff.
*And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M-1 because
it was the first paved road anywhere in the world
- Alberta, Canada has been completely free of rats since 1905
- A Bible published in England in 1632 left out the word “not” in the seventh
commandment, making it “Thou shalt commit adultery.” It became known as
“The Wicked Bible.”
- In addition to the animals, there were eight people on Noah’s ark.
- According to Scottish novelist and politician John Buchan, “An atheist is a
man who has no invisible means of support.”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday and he’s old, it’s Phil “Kid Phillip” Grossfeld.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Samuel L. Jackson; Christiane Amanpour; and Tom Russell. PLUS:China Airlines; Leona Helmsley; World’s Oldest Gum; Great Moments; a Top Ten List; What’s on the iPod; and Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.
“ . . . and now, ape-obsessed anthropologist . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
During the pre-show Q&A, Dave learns we have a couple in the audience celebrating their 17th wedding anniversary. Dave presents them with a “dinner for two.” The happy couple is from Nova Scotia, where it never rains.
There was almost a terrible tragedy yesterday in Japan involving a plane from China. We take a look at the report. Announcer:“Yesterday, a China Airline plane burst into flames. Thankfully no one was hurt and now authorities have discovered what caused the horrific fireball. One of the passengers brought on a bottle of shampoo that was over three ounces. China Airlines --- Kids love our emergency slides!”
Infamous hotel queen Leona Helmsley passed away yesterday and ever since the news broke, the tributes have been pouring in. We had a few of them on videotape tonight.
Roll vt – photo of Leona. Over the photo is the quote: “Leona Helmsley loved this city and epitomized what it means to be a New Yorker.” - Michael Bloomberg.
“Her drive and determination made all of her competitors work harder.” – Donald Trump.
“Does this mean her dog is for sale?” – Michael Vick.
There was an amazing discovery in Finland recently. They found chewing gum that is between 5,500 and 6,000 years old. One of Dave buddies, from college I believe, lent the relic to Dave to let him show it on the show. Dave slowly unwraps the ancient shroud which contains the chewing gum . . . but it’s not there. What happened to the 6,000-year-old chewing gum?
Cut to Biff, who is chewing on a big wad of gum. Biff shrugs his shoulders and breaks out into a big grin. We freeze on Biff as a big graphic reveals: “That’s Our Biff!” Wacky music.
GREAT MOMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
- We see FDR.
- We see JFK.
- We see George W. Bush: “Better cover up your bald head.”
ACT 2 WHAT’S ON THE IPOD? – We say a quick hello to Rupert and send him out to get a contestant.
TOP TEN MIKE VICK EXCUSES 10. “House came with a dogfighting pit, and it seemed like a shame to waste it.”
WHAT’S ON THE IPOD?
Back to Rupert’s to find him with Sarah of San Diego. Dave raves about the city of San Diego and mentions many of the hotspots he’s visited in the area.
Sarah is a second grade teacher and she thinks the 7-year-olds are adorable. She’s about to start only her second year of teaching, which probably explains why she thinks the 7-year-olds are adorable.
How we play “What’s on the iPod?” – Rupert will sing along to what’s on his iPod. Sarah will have 30 seconds to determine what the song Rupert is singing. Dave turns to Alan Kalter and asks what we are playing for. Alan begins to whisper the song Rupert will be singing. Dave quickly stops Alan and tells him he wants to know what we are playing for, not the song we will be playing. Alan, still in a whisper, says, “Oh, you stopped me just in time.”
Tonight we are playing for a Black & Decker Electric Kettle.
The song: “Rock Star” by Nickelback.
Rupert begins to sing. Poor Sarah can’t make heads or tails out of it. I particularly liked the lyric: “I want a brand new ass” sung by Rupert. At the end of 30 seconds, Sarah can’t venture a guess.
But there are no losers on “What’s on the iPod?” Sarah is awarded a Hello Deli deli platter.
ACT 3 SAMUEL L. JACKSON: In the film, Resurrecting the Champ, opening this Friday.
What were summers like for Samuel as a kid? Samuel says he grew up in a poor neighborhood and while some would travel a distance to the local YMCA to cool off in the pool, he and his friends took to the closer Tennessee River. It certainly wasn’t as safe as the Y, and that’s the very reason why they would swim in the river. It’s what kids do. The river was dirty and had lots of hidden currents and rocks and things to jump off of. You could understand why a parent wouldn’t want their child swimming in the Tennessee River, but you could also understand why a kid would.
Dave says when most people look back at what they did during childhood, they’re amazed they’re still alive. What did Dave do that threatened his life as a kid? Fireworks. Dave remembers firing up the mini-dynamite whenever he could. How old was Dave? Around 9, 10 years old. Samuel L. laughs in recognition and says how there was always one dumb kid who would hold the firework that had a real short wick. Dave points to himself and says, “That ‘dumb kid’ was me.”
Much of Samuel’s new film was shot in Calgary, Canada and was able to watch the world famous rodeo, the Calgary Stampede, “The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth.”
His favorite event was the Chuckwagon Races. The chuckwagon was the wagon they used to cook in, so it carried the stove and the tent poles. In the chuckwagon race, the wagons are loaded and then the drivers of the 6 chuckwagons and 4 outside riders on horseback for each chuckwagon race around the track. At the end, the wagons have to be unloaded. It’s complete mayhem.
Samuel L’s new film, “Resurrecting the Champ” opens this Friday and is about a former boxing champion who has fallen on very hard times. Samuel L. plays that boxer. A young reporter wants to do a story on him. We see a clip from the film.
SHECKY FOOTAGE! We cut to old black and white footage of two kitty cats boxing in a ring. Ooops. Wrong clip. We take a look at the actual clip from “Resurrecting the Champ.” It looks like a keeper. It’s on my very short lists of films I’d like to see.
ACT 4 ALAN KALTER’S CELEBRITY INTERVIEW – It’s a favorite segment of ours. Dave introduces Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.
You can watch this segment for yourself by clicking on the appropriate link under "Last Night on the Late Show."
ACT 5 Announce: “Guests of ‘Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview’ receive a $75 gift certificate to Men’s Wearhouse.
Men’s Wearhouse --- you’ll like the way you look.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR: Her 3-part documentary, “CNN Presents: God’s Warriors” is on airing on CNN, Tuesday thru Wednesday. It takes a close look at Judaism (Tuesday), Muslim (Wednesday), and Christianity (Thursday) in the world today. I have a feeling the followers are all the same except they play for different teams.
Christiana was born in England and raised in Iran. Christiane says she had a very normal, fun upbringing with lots of playing and swimming and stuff kids normally do. She and her family left a few weeks before the Shah was officially overthrown in early 1979 and returned to England. She followed the Revolution in Iran very closely and became fascinated with news. In 1983, she got a job with CNN in its third year of existence. She’s been with them ever since. She credits her getting the job on her interview. One of the questions was, “What’s the capital of Iran?” Having lived there much of her life helped in knowing the answer. She has gotten to know Ted Turner, the creator behind CNN, over the years and says he was “cable before cable was cool.” Ted is a great thinker, ahead of the pack on the environment, the Cold War, and a great philanthrope.
Being a war correspondent in the Middle East does present quite a bit of danger and points out that the leading cause of death among journalists is deliberate, not accidental. Journalists are no longer looked upon as the “honest broker” and their lives constantly at risk. She admits now that she’s a mom of a 7-year-old boy she a lot more conscience of staying alive.
“CNN Presents: God’s Warriors” – I watched last night’s installment. Very good, lots of information. I’ll be watching Parts 2 and 3 tonight and tomorrow.
ACT 7 TOM RUSSELL: From his new CD, “Wounded Heart of America,” Tom Russell performed “Whose Gonna Build Your Wall?” The song asks a lot of questions. 30 years ago the answer to all those questions would be: “Me and my friends my age.”
And that was our show for Tuesday, August 21, 2007.
Leona Helmsley died yesterday . . . and she thought dying was just for the little people.
And speaking of dying, in six months I’ll be 50.
I don’t get too excited about too many things these days but the announcement of a new Bruce Springsteen album with the E Street Band gets me charged up just a bit.
Many believe Michael Vick will be sentenced to a one-year prison term. That’s 7 years in dog years. I wrote that early Tuesday morning, and then I heard something just like it during Tuesday’s monologue. The over/under for hearing that joke this week, or one similar, is 34.
I was at the Jersey Shore last week. We’ve been going there for 15 years now and my wife Denise has been going for even longer than that. Her sisters’ families and friends also spent the week and it’s a lot of fun. But some are growing tired of the small living quarters at ever increasing prices. What has happened is people have recently sold and bought these beach shacks at a high price and then poured more money into making the shacks look nice. Now in order to make some of that money back, the owners have to charge a higher weekly rent. The long-time renters are starting to rebel. They come for the ocean and beach; not so much the housing. And since the cost to rent has shot up, the renters are now expecting more bang for their buck in their shack; only the best furniture and air conditioners and TVs and microwaves and bathrooms and barbecue grills. The higher the rents go, the higher the expectations. It’s an upward spiral that doesn’t appear to be stopping soon.
We are currently considering the Outer Banks of North Carolina, the beaches of Delaware and Virginia, or other areas along New Jersey. But no matter where we go, although we might find a better house, I doubt we’ll find better sand or ocean waves than Ocean Beach in Lavellette, New Jersey.
I am sort of against air conditioners at the beach houses, although I admit it’s probably really needed for one week a year. Years ago late at night, people would sit inside their little cottage with the windows wide open and get a taste of that sweet ocean breeze. Now everyone shuts themselves inside, windows shut tight, with the air conditioners blasting. You might at well be home. And if you’re sitting outside, all you hear is the constant hum of the running A.Cs. I must be getting old because I really like the quiet.
And now that I’m home after a week at the shore, my head will start peeling in a few more days. And when a bald head peels, it looks like the worst case of dandruff.
*And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M-1 because
it was the first paved road anywhere in the world
- Alberta, Canada has been completely free of rats since 1905
- A Bible published in England in 1632 left out the word “not” in the seventh
commandment, making it “Thou shalt commit adultery.” It became known as
“The Wicked Bible.”
- In addition to the animals, there were eight people on Noah’s ark.
- According to Scottish novelist and politician John Buchan, “An atheist is a
man who has no invisible means of support.”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday and he’s old, it’s Phil “Kid Phillip” Grossfeld.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • China Airlines Incident • Remembering Leona Helmsley • Ancient Chewing Gum • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
