Cold Open: Shot of the Late Show marquee.
Announce: "Previously on the Late Show"
We then see a montage of various shots from past Late Shows, such as Dave with Kid Scientists; a kangaroo running through the theater; Sue Hum with a knife threatening Dave; a sandbag lands between Dave and Edie Falco; a close-up of stitches in Dave's finger; Dave driving off a bridge; and things like that. At the end, another announce:
And now, the exciting conclusion of the Late Show."

" . . . and now, muscular scarred foundry worker . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Monologue joke: "Ahmadinejad says there are no homosexuals in Iran, which explains the pathetic state of their musical theater."
I enjoyed that one.

CBS has spent a lot of money getting the word out about their programs for television's Premiere Week. All the networks are doing the same. It's important to get off to a good start. Dave noticed something in today's USA Today that caught his eye. Dave holds up and opens today's USA Today is page 3D. There is a half-page ad for the Tuesday night lineup on CBS.
There's a large photo of "NCIS" at 8:00.
There's a large photo of "The Unit" at 9:00.
There's an even larger photo of "Cane" at 10:00.
And then way down at the bottom in tiny print, reads, "Stay tuned for the Late Show with David Letterman."

Dave puts the newspaper away and from behind enters a large, gruff man. He snarls at Dave, "Remember, sugar is the new oil." The large man then looks at a second camera. Freeze. Announce from Alan: "Cane. Tuesdays at 10 PM, only on CBS." Dave asks Paul, "Was that your trainer, Paul?" Paul laughs, and then realizes it was a dig.

The United Nations General Assembly has really screwed up traffic in these parts, especially on the east side of Manhattan. It even affected the President's speech earlier today.
We see George W. Bush speaking before the U.N. General Assembly. And then we hear a car horn double toot. And then another. And then another and another. The cacophonic blaring of car horns drowns out whatever our President was trying to say.

Dave throws the blue card through the window behind him. Once again, we hear the lovely "Old Turkey Buzzard," sung by Jose Feliciano. Paul makes a plea for a big production of "Old Turkey Buzzard" with Mr. Feliciano headlining. Paul seems a bit surprised we haven't done this already and is chomping at the bit to get to it and to get it done. I have no idea but I suspect this will start gaining some steam real soon.

There's a lot of controversy in New York regarding President Ahmadinejad. We've put together a look at how he spent the day yesterday.
-meet with the reporters
-speak at Columbia University
-surprise visit to Broadway's big hit, "Jersey Boys" - hard audio cut to "Big Girls Don't Cry"

Once again, the large, gruff man enters behind Dave. He snarls at Dave, "Run for your lives, the refinery's gonna blow."
The large man then looks at a second camera. Freeze. Announce from Alan: "Cane. Tuesdays at 10 PM, only on CBS."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES.
We see Dwight D. Eisenhower
We see William Jefferson Clinton
We see George W. Bush: "I think I got a B in Econ-101."

ACT 2
SMALL TOWN NEWS
1. The Zumbroto News Record (Zumbrota, Minnesota): "A noise complaint was made on Jefferson Drive. A man was in his yard acting like a Kung Fu fighters.
2. The Citrus County Chronicle (Crystal River, Florida): Here's a photo titled "Movie Night." The marquee billboards three current films: Mr. Brooks, Knocked Up, Nancy Drew.
3. The Wilton Villager (Wilton, Connecticut): Cat of the Week. (photo of a dog)
4. The Benton Courier (Benton, Arkansas): "Tammy L., Yes, I will marry you once you get a divorce, if you will still have me."
5. The Observer (Dunkirk, New York): an ad for the Colony Restaurant: "Come as you are . . . only shirt and shoes required."

Again, the large, gruff man. He snarls at Dave, "Whoever owns the sugar, owns the world."
The large man then looks at a second camera. Freeze. Announce from Alan: "Cane. Tuesdays at 10 PM, only on CBS."

6. The Trentonian (Trenton, New Jersey): "A left artificial leg was found underneath bushes of a residence on Vicar Lane on Tuesday, and police here are stumped. Anyone who is missing a leg is asked to call Police."
7. The News Journal (Wilmington, Delaware): "A man allegedly trying to smuggle packages of meat in his pants out of a New Castle-area supermarket was arrested on Thursday.
8. The Tullahoma News & Guardian (Tullahoma, Tennessee): A garage sale listing: "Lying, no good, cheating, sorry excuse for a husband sale. Getting rid of just about everything he breathed his beer swilling breath on."
9. The Comanche Chief (Comanche, Texas): "You are invited to an 80th birthday party honoring Doris Williams, at the Comanche Funeral Home."
10. The Gazette (Bethesda, Maryland): "Man charged with operating a meth lab inside home." We take a look at the photo of the guy. He got the Charlie Manson-bulging eyes, only more so.
11. The Kalamazoo Gazette (Kalamazoo, Michigan): "The misspelled word was stenciled on the road in the past week by Michigan Pavement Marking." We see a big painted "SHCOOL" on the road. Oops.

ACT 3
Yup, the big guy behind Dave once again. He snarls at Dave, "I'll paint any car, any color for thirty-nice ninety five."
The large man then looks at a second camera. Freeze. Announce from Alan: "Cane. Tuesdays at 10 PM, only on CBS."

TOP TEN: Things overheard during President Ahmadinejad's trip to New York City
Itinerary:
Sunday: Arrive in New York City.
Monday: Speak at Columbia University
Tuesday: Speak before the United Nations General Assembly.
Wednesday: Leave New York for Venezuela.

KATE WALSH: She's in the new ABC series, "Private Practice." You probably know her from "Grey's Anatomy." My wife Denise loves "Grey's." My complaint about the show is they have people dying on the operating table and all the doctors are more concerned about their relationship problems.
Pretty Kate is a newlywed, being married over the Labor Day weekend in California. She says the wedding was great, except for the intense heat. (Husbands don't start feeling intense heat until after the honeymoon.) The air-conditioned church could not hold out the 110-degree heat. She admits to being nervous at her wedding and both she and her husband were sweating bullets. At one point, she lost feeling in her hands, and when she wanted to stop the wedding for a moment to regroup, her tongue could not create words. It sounded something like this: "Bllmmmmemmblblblb." Kate was eventually able to get some water to replenish the fluids lost in sweat and the ceremony went off without a hitch . . . or with a hitch, I guess. "Private Practice" - Wednesday nights at 9:00 on ABC.

ACT 4
And now it's time for "A MESSAGE FROM LATE SHOW WRITER BILL SCHEFT."
Writer Bill Scheft enters from the guest entrance and stands center stage.
Bill: "Hi, I'm Late Show writer Bill Scheft. Earlier this year I turned 50. I've been a comedy writer for a long time, now, and frankly, I'm tired. I don't want to work hard at developing new comedy references or fresh jokes. That's why this month I'm so grateful to one man: Mr. O.J. Simpson. Thank you, O.J., for giving us roughly six to eight months of material. I haven't been this happy since Dick Cheney shot that old guy in the face. God bless you, O.J., God bless the Las Vegas Police Department, and God bless, America."
Bill waves. American flag appears.
Announce: "This message brought to you by the Ad Council, and the National Council of Churches.
Back to you, Dave."

ACT 5
DETECTIVE: "You're not clean 'till you're zestfully clean"

ACT 6
KEVIN SMITH: 13 years ago at the age of 23, he made the independent film "Clerks" for $27,575. It grossed over a million dollars. He's done many things since then with great success. Kevin now has a new book, a memoir, entitled, "My Boring-Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith." It's a collection of his blogs detailing his daily life in excruciating detail . . . . . . WHAT?! A book made out of daily blogs? You can make a book out of that?! And make money on that?! Holy mackerel. The Wahoo Gazette . . . . . I'm giving it away for free! I'm doing something wrong, something really really wrong. I gotta check out his blog page, and the book. Sheesh.
Kevin directed the pilot for the new show, "Reaper," which airs Tuesdays on the CW. A book of daily blogs . . . . can't believe it.

ACT 7
RASCAL FLATTS: From their CD, "Still Feels Good," Rascal Flatts performed "Still Feels Good."

And that was our show for Tuesday, September 25, 2007.



Like parts of yesterday's Wahoo, this is something I wrote down last week. I was going to delete it today when I re-read it but seeing how much space it took up in today's edition, I decided to leave it in.

The tasered college kid in Florida. We've probably all seen it by now. At a speech by Senator John Kerry, a college kid asked a question that went on too long. He was allotted one minute to pose his question, but he went over the time limit. He was asked to sit down but he continued on and on. He was obviously a "Look At Me, Everyone" guy, as in L.A.M.E. He was looking to be in the spotlight when the spotlight wasn't his. The event wasn't about him. The rules of the show were that each person had one minute to ask their question. This guy went well over the limit. None of us were there so we only saw the result, not what led up to it. So, the kid went over the time limit. What should happen next?

As a former member of law enforcement, this is how I would have reacted, I think:
1. Let those in charge of the speech and Q&A make the first response, whether it be the PoliSci Club or the college Activity Committee or the moderator or whoever. I would let them advise the student that his time was up.
2. Visual response - if he continued for too long a time and ignored the moderator, in this case I would eyeball the moderator and wait for a nod. When given the "go-ahead" I would then step forward so the kid could see the "police" are on the scene and would respond if need be. I would not look again to the moderator. It would a police response now.
3. Verbal response 1 - if he continued, I would approach and tell him his time was up and to let the Senator answer. I would tell him to stop his disorderly behavior.
4. Physical response 1 - if he continued, I would touch his arm and point him to his seat, continuing with my verbal response.
5. Physical response 2 - if he continued, I would tighten my "touch" of his arm and softly but sternly suggest he return to his seat.
6. Verbal response 2 - if he continued, I would tell him if he did not follow as instructed, he would be led out of the auditorium.
7. Verbal response 3 - if he continued, I would advise him this was his LAST chance to be quiet and take a seat. . . . his LAST chance.
8. Physical response 3 - if he continued, I would physically grab him and force him out of the auditorium. And I would be rough. No more questions, no more negotiating. Once Step 8 has been reached, there is no going back. HE made the decision to be taken our forcefully. It was not MY decision. It was his decision. And that would be the last decision he would make until he was ousted.
9. Once outside the auditorium, depending on his behavior, he would be arrested for disorderly conduct or he would be led out of the building and warned that further police action would be taken if he returned.
10. if he flops and/or falls to the ground during his "escort" out, or resists, he would dragged out of the auditorium. Getting him out would be my first priority. I would remove him from the spotlight he so desired. The handcuffing and the ensuing arrest for Disorderly Conduct would be done out in the lobby.

OR

As a member of law enforcement, I could have continued to negotiate and cajole and ask and plead for the gentleman to sit down and listen to the Senator's response . . . and I would probably still be there requesting the fellow to quiet down. I guess there are some who would rather it be done that way.

The tasering? Well, if I could not accomplish Step 8 using my own force, I would have to resort to other means of physical enforcement. Tasering could be one of those other means. Or I could have called for backup. But it looked like there was already enough on hand at the University auditorium.
As a police officer, I never wanted to work too hard. I would much prefer for an unruly individual to walk away just by the appearance of a police officer on the scene.
If my showing up on the scene wasn't enough, I would use words.
If my words weren't enough, I would use my hands.
If my hands weren't enough, I would start using stuff on my belt.
A police officer shouldn't jump to the next level until the prior level of enforcement has been tried with unsuccessful results.
Oh, and when a police officer is in an altercation, it is NOT supposed to be a fair, even-fight. If 6 officers are thought to be needed, 6 should be used. And it is the safety of the police officers that is the first concern. The safety of the disorderly individual comes later.
And that's how I remember it used to be.

Like I said, I wrote the above last week. And then when I got home, I thought, "Hey, maybe the police shouldn't have gotten involved at all. The guy was only talking and being a pest. He wasn't physically harming anyone. What's the big deal?"
It's one of those situations that if the police did nothing, some would complain that the police did nothing. If the police reacted as they did, others would complain about the police reacting the way they did. Can't win.
Right after the skirmish, I heard Senator Kerry put in for a medal.

Star Simpson, the M.I.T. student who wore a fake bomb on her shirt as an art project to the airport and was immediately arrested . . . her problem probably started at birth, when her parents named her Star.

Where is free agent Alex Rodriguez going to play next year? I used to be a hard-liner on teams not overpaying for a player. I know, I know, how can I say that and be a Yankee fan. But now that the Yankees and baseball has already priced me out of attending games, I say sign him for whatever it costs. Pay him a billion if that's what it takes. I won't be going to the games anyway. What it will mean is more in-game advertising on the radio and TV. But that won't bother me either. I don't listen to the Yankees on the radio anymore, and when I watch them on TV, I do so with the mute button on.

A graphic I saw a few weeks ago while watching a baseball game, probably on ESPN: I forget the pitcher they were referring to . . . it may have been San Diego's Greg Maddux, or maybe John Smoltz, or maybe even Tom Glavine.
"'Greg Maddux' (?) is the first 40-year-old pitcher with 20 consecutive scoreless innings since Kenny Rogers in 2005."
Another words, it didn't happen last year.

WAHOO PHILOSOPHY CORNER
Socrates. (470 BC-399 BC) was a Classical Greek philosopher who is widely credited for laying the foundation for Western philosophy.
Plato (428- 348BC), whose original name was Aristocles, was an ancient Greek philosopher, the second of the great trio of ancient Greeks -succeeding Socrates and preceding Aristotle
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato

Tonight's featured Philosopher: Plato:
-"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
-"All the gold which is under or upon the earth is not enough to give in exchange for virtue. "
-"Better a little which is well done, than a great deal imperfectly."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Hoop Street Gang, it's Barry Knapp
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER