DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Paris Hilton; Artie Lange; and Vampire Weekend. PLUS:26 Years on Late Night Television; Len Easton; Coming Up on Action News; an Odd PSA; Happenings in Punxatawny; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Tony Mendez’ “How It’s Made.”
“ . . . and now, the mattress king of Buffalo . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
26 years ago tonight, Dave hosted his very first LATE NIGHT program. A lot has changed since then. To put that into perspective, we thought we’d give the home viewer a look at the television landscape of 26 years ago in 1982. Announcer: “’Dallas’ is the top-rated prime-time program in the country. Bryant Gumbel makes his debut appearance on the ‘Today’ show. Regis Philbin celebrates his 75th year in television.”
Wow! That Regis is old. I guess that puts him at 101 years now. Back when Regis broke in to television, there was no picture. Yup, he made his debut on picture-less television.
The phone? Oh, no, it’s the phone! Don’t pick it up, Dave. Don’t pic . . . . DOH!!! Why did he pick up the phone? Doesn’t he watch the dailies? On the phone is Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. We overhear his radio transmission of something going down on the California highways. It’s like we have a party line.
Dave sighs and hangs up confused. But Dave is a bit relieved to learn he isn’t the only one being harassed by this Len Easton guy. Dave was watching the Jim CramerMad Money show earlier in the day and Easton interrupted Cramer’s show, too. This man has to be stopped. Can’t Schwarzenegger do something? Can’t Bratton?
Dave then looks to his left into a camera and says: “Coming up later this hour, meet the cat who won $50,000 at a blackjack table! That’s later on ‘Action News.’”
Also earlier in the day, perhaps right after Mad Money, Dave saw a very odd public service announcement concerning the Super Bowl. Luckily Dave TiVo’d it to share with us.
Cut to a shot of Osama bin Laden speaking into a microphone.
“Hey, everybody. You know, a lot of people say I’m crazy but one thing even I’m not crazy enough to do is get in a car with a friend who’s had too much to drink. This Super Bowl Sunday, enjoy the game, but if you’re gonna be enjoying the beer, then make sure a buddy intercepts your car keys. Don’t kill yourself . . . that’s my job! Oh, and I like the Pats big---- 42-10.”
The audience gasps . . . at Osama’s Super Bowl prediction. They were fine with everything else. They were not fine with his football pick.
You do realize if it weren’t for the LATE SHOW, Osama bin Laden’s name would never be mentioned on TV. You remember Osama, don’t you? He’s the guy who is going to last longer than George W. Bush.
It looks like an exciting weekend in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania. Dave saw an odd commercial earlier today. Announcer: “Don’t miss America’s premiere Groundhog Day event in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania this Saturday. Will Phil predict more winter or an early spring?
Then on Super Bowl Sunday, stop by the Punxatawny Applebee’s for a “super” groundhog party platter!
Applebee’s --- Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES – Bush attempts to say something about earmarked reformed ideas.
ACT 2:
On the program tonight, Paris Hilton. The last time Ms. Hilton was here things didn’t quite go so smoothly. I was fine with it, but Paris was upset by the line of questioning and Dave seems a bit sorry for the way it went. Dave wanted to talk about her time in prison. Paris said, “I’m done talking about prison.” But Dave was not. That’s all Dave wanted to talk about. It would be like having Neil Armstrong on the show and being told that Neil doesn’t want to talk about the moon. Dave likens his performance with Paris back in September to going to a party and drinking yourself into a standing coma. You wake up thinking you were hilarious last night, but then you’re told, “No, you were an ‘sdd’-hole.” Dave says now that he realizes he was wrong back then . . . that he went too far. But Dave alibis, “I was told it was a roast!”
Dave phoned Paris to apologize and begged her to come back. If she returned, Dave promised to apologize on the air. And Paris has the backbone to make the return trip. Dave says he has offended thousands of people and many have never come back. Paris is one of the few strong enough to come back . . . plus, she has a movie to plug.
The LATE SHOW cue card guy Tony Mendez has a very popular program on the Discovery channel called, “How It’s Made.” It’s a fascinating show. Tony agrees, and he throws to a clip.
We see Tony with Barry Silberman of the Little Chocolate Factory in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Mr. Silberman shows Tony around the factory as they sample the many delightful and tasty chocolates.
Silberman shows off the cocoa beans imported from the Ivory Coast and how they are roasted. Meanwhile, Tony samples more of the delicious chocolates and caramels. While Silberman goes for more chocolates, Tony slips a sharp piece of glass into one of the chocolates. When Barry Silberman returns, Tony bites into the self-sabotaged chocolate. Tony cries out in pain as blood gushes from his mouth. “I am going to sue your nuts off, you son of a bitch!” Tony wails.
Cut to a conference room. Barry Silberman sits with two lawyers. Tony sits across the table with his lawyer. An envelope is slid across the table for Tony. Silberman’s lawyer speaks: “Obviously we’d rather keep this unfortunate incident out of the papers, so we’ve decided to offer you a settlement.”
Tony eyes the check. $2,000,000. Tony’s lawyer announces, “Gentlemen, we have a deal.”
We see a montage of shots of Tony reliving his evil doings with the chocolate and the glass. It appears he may be having misgivings. But no. Tony turns to the camera with a big smile and announces, “And that’s how a fraudulent lawsuit is made.”
Oh, that Tony.
TOP TEN: THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT YOUR SUPER BOWL PARTY.
As opposed to things you WANT to hear. Paul shouts this offering: “This is great dip!” as something you would WANT to hear at a Super Bowl party. Our list consists of things you would NOT want to hear at your Super Bowl party. And if someone reminds me, on Friday I’ll check the files to see how many of these jokes we did for past Super Bowls.
#6. “Cool, Dick Butkis is here . . . oh, sorry, ma’am.” #5. “Surprise! Welcome to your intervention” #2. “Letterman’s here.”
ACT 3:
As we return from commercial, we see a clip of Paris exiting her limo and posing for the throngs of papparaz . . . . picture takers. (Calling them “paparazzi” elevates them above what they are.) Dave is very impressed at how Paris got out of her limousine and immediately began posing.
Dave introduces Paris Hilton and the young starlet makes her entrance. Dave apologizes for offending her the last time she was on the show. Dave explains his thinking at the time and now realizes he went too far. Dave pleads, “I kept pressing you. I thought we were just having fun. I never have been to prison. I was curious.”
So, no prison talk. What would Paris like to talk about? Paris says she would like to talk about her new movie, The Hottie and the Nottie. Paris plays the Hottie. The Nottie looks like one of those Geico cavemen. It opens next Friday, the 8th.
Paris has a new shoe line on the market. Dave quickly slips in, “I’m a ten-and-a-half.”
And her friend Nicole Richie had a baby recently. Paris adores the child and had fun with Baby Richie during a sleepover the other night.
Would Paris like to start a family? She would one day, but not quite yet. Dave understands; “You’re just a kid!” Paris says, “I’m 26 years old . . . as old as your show.” Ouch!
What else is Paris Hilton working on?
She’s got:
- The Paris Hilton Collection
- Jewelry
- Shoes
- Perfumes
- Luxury watches
- Hair extensions
- Cellphone video game ---- huh? How . . . what do you win? Remind me to tell you my pinball game idea someday.
- She’s got a record label.
- Her newest product: sparkling wine in a can.
Dating? Paris says she is too busy right now to be dating. What kind of guy interests her? Paris wants someone who is funny and treats her well. Dave asks, “Would you go out with someone . . . in their 60s?” She says she would.
Dave, knowing defeat, adds, “But they’d have to be very funny, right?”
Paris returns. She enjoyed her visit and thanks Dave for the lovely phone call and letter following her last visit.
You can see more of Paris starting next week in “The Hottie and The Nottie.” Don’t hesitate.
ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave takes a moment: “OK, caller, pick a number between 1 and 460.” The caller says, “235.”
A woman in the audience jumps up and begins to clap. Alan announce: “You’re both going on a three-night stay at the Monte Carlo Resort and Casino in Las Vegas.” (shot of the smoky resort from last Friday) “Welcome to the experience of a world class resort! You’ll enjoy the professionalism of our impeccable service staff, the best in contemporary entertainment, and world class gaming! The Monte Carlo Resort and Casino in Las Vegas! Come play with us!
Back to you, underpants.”
ACT 5: Alan: “My Super Bowl Weekend starts right now!”
Alan chugs from a bottle of ginger ale.
Or maybe it was something else.
ACT 6: ARTIE LANGE – One of my favorite guests on the Late Show. Mr. Lange tells very funny stories, stories that I have experienced myself but not quite as dramatic as Mr. Lange’s. My stories are Single A compared to his Major League All-Star team. My stories are Artie Lange Extremely Lite. If Artie and I were at a party and we both had a story to tell, and Artie went first, I would likely follow that up with, “Uhh, never mind.”
Artie says he met Paris backstage and was excited when he heard her say she likes funny guys. Arties brightens and says, “I think I got a shot at banging her.” Hope so. I’d like to hear that story.
Artie admits to gaining a lot of weight recently. He knew it was bad when during the big Rosie O’Donnell/Donald Trump feud, a woman came up to him on the street and said, “I am so on your side in this feud you’re having with Trump. That Trump is such a jerk.” Insulted at first, Artie then pretended to be Rosie and ended up making out with her.
Artie has a somewhat familiar face and admits to letting woman think he was a big star just so he could sleep with them. He sees it as a win-win. He gets the sex; she gets to think she had sex with a big celebrity.
Artie then talks about being a Giants fan and a Giants fan with a gambling problem. Dave asks about Artie’s gambling problem. Artie says “You don’t spend 15 years in TV and dress like this without having a gambling problem.”
Artie tells a story of betting on the Giants years back and following the game on the radio, broadcasted by Giant announcer Jim Gordon. I loved Jim Gordon, but then again, I didn’t have a gambling problem. Artie describes the frustration of depending on Jim Gordon to know what’s happening. It’s a killer to have big money on the game and then to hear Jim Gordon announce, “Touchdown Giants!!! No, he dropped it!” Artie gives more examples of how Jim Gordon tortured Artie the bettor. Gordon may have been guilty of the above, but he is a mere shadow of the incompetence shown by John Sterling doing Yankee games day in and day out.
You can see more of Artie at the Borgata in Atlantic City on February 16th.
ACT 7: VAMPIRE WEEKEND: From their album, “Vampire Weekend,” Vampire Weekend performed “A-Punk.”
And that was our show for Friday February 01, 2008.
26 YEARS ON LATE NIGHT TELEVISION First Late Night Program: February 1, 1982. Late Night programs: 1,810. Late Show programs: 2,864, plus 4 Primetime specials. Total late night programs: 4,678.
If you want to add Dave’s 90 daytime shows, that makes a total of 4,768 times Dave has hosted his own shows. He’s knocking on the door of 5,000. Oh boy, here we go again. Another 232 shows till 5,000. That’ll be next March or April. LATE SHOW 3000? Guesses anyone?
I’m really starting to hate this Super Bowl. Enough already.
In case you Patriot fans are reading this, let me say I could not care less about the spygate controversy surrounding Belichick and the team. It’s a huge “who cares” here. The papers need something to write about, but Giants fans could not care less. Jets fans . . . . they are always looking for excuses, so they may be bothered by it, but to Giants fans it means nothing.
Dang it. Not only have I allowed myself to think the Giants can win this weekend, I’ve allowed myself to think they WILL win. Yup. 27-17. Why oh why did I let myself to get into this mess. Now the game won’t be any fun. It was so much easier just being happy to be in the Big Game and hoping for, but not expecting, a win. Now that I think they will win, I’ll be filled with angst the whole game for allowing myself to get emotionally involved. I expect there to be lots of swearing and cursing. I tend to have bigger reactions to things that don’t go well for the Giants than for their successes.
I plan to watch the game by myself in my basement all alone except for beer and chips and a hoagie or two. And I am perfectly fine with that.
If the Giants are tied after 6 minutes, I’ll be very confident the rest of the way. But I’m getting an ugly feeling that the Giants will be down 14-0 by my second beer.
I’m surprised I haven’t heard more of “The All-Pros vs. The All Joes.” The Giants rallied around that when they played the Cowboys and Packers. Both teams, the Pack and the Cowboys, were filled with All-Pros, while the Giants were scarcely represented and saw themselves as an unappreciated working man’s team.
Super Bowl MVP: Giants running back, Ahmad Bradshaw.
And if the Patriots wi. . . .. if the Pats w . . . .wiii. . . if the Patriots wi wiii wii . . . then it’ll be Wes Welker.
My Super Bowl Numbers: Giants 9; Patriots 2. I got 9 and 2 in my OWN Super Bowl pool.
And speaking of icing the kicker . . . . I don’t believe in it. I always said it would be more effective to let the kicker think you were about to call time out before the kick, and then don’t call a time out. BUT . . . I think the Green Bay Packers SHOULD have iced the Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes before his overtime boot because they would have almost literally ICED the kicker. (I hate when people use “literally” when they don’t mean literally.) It was so cold that day two weeks ago in Green Bay that keeping the field goal kicker out on the field away from the sideline heaters for an extra minute or two would have caused more physical discomfort. Who knows what effect that would have had on Lawrence Tynes. So, yes, I would have “iced” the kicker in that situation.
And while you’re watching the Super Bowl, remember that there is still a Writers Strike going on
Check out the following to keep in the know. www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday. He’s 52! I can’t believe I have a brother who is 52 . . . and he isn’t even my OLDEST brother!! Happy birthday, Jack McIntee.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Paris Hilton; Artie Lange; and Vampire Weekend. PLUS:26 Years on Late Night Television; Len Easton; Coming Up on Action News; an Odd PSA; Happenings in Punxatawny; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Tony Mendez’ “How It’s Made.”
“ . . . and now, the mattress king of Buffalo . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
26 years ago tonight, Dave hosted his very first LATE NIGHT program. A lot has changed since then. To put that into perspective, we thought we’d give the home viewer a look at the television landscape of 26 years ago in 1982. Announcer: “’Dallas’ is the top-rated prime-time program in the country. Bryant Gumbel makes his debut appearance on the ‘Today’ show. Regis Philbin celebrates his 75th year in television.”
Wow! That Regis is old. I guess that puts him at 101 years now. Back when Regis broke in to television, there was no picture. Yup, he made his debut on picture-less television.
The phone? Oh, no, it’s the phone! Don’t pick it up, Dave. Don’t pic . . . . DOH!!! Why did he pick up the phone? Doesn’t he watch the dailies? On the phone is Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. We overhear his radio transmission of something going down on the California highways. It’s like we have a party line.
Dave sighs and hangs up confused. But Dave is a bit relieved to learn he isn’t the only one being harassed by this Len Easton guy. Dave was watching the Jim CramerMad Money show earlier in the day and Easton interrupted Cramer’s show, too. This man has to be stopped. Can’t Schwarzenegger do something? Can’t Bratton?
Dave then looks to his left into a camera and says: “Coming up later this hour, meet the cat who won $50,000 at a blackjack table! That’s later on ‘Action News.’”
Also earlier in the day, perhaps right after Mad Money, Dave saw a very odd public service announcement concerning the Super Bowl. Luckily Dave TiVo’d it to share with us.
Cut to a shot of Osama bin Laden speaking into a microphone.
“Hey, everybody. You know, a lot of people say I’m crazy but one thing even I’m not crazy enough to do is get in a car with a friend who’s had too much to drink. This Super Bowl Sunday, enjoy the game, but if you’re gonna be enjoying the beer, then make sure a buddy intercepts your car keys. Don’t kill yourself . . . that’s my job! Oh, and I like the Pats big---- 42-10.”
The audience gasps . . . at Osama’s Super Bowl prediction. They were fine with everything else. They were not fine with his football pick.
You do realize if it weren’t for the LATE SHOW, Osama bin Laden’s name would never be mentioned on TV. You remember Osama, don’t you? He’s the guy who is going to last longer than George W. Bush.
It looks like an exciting weekend in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania. Dave saw an odd commercial earlier today. Announcer: “Don’t miss America’s premiere Groundhog Day event in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania this Saturday. Will Phil predict more winter or an early spring?
Then on Super Bowl Sunday, stop by the Punxatawny Applebee’s for a “super” groundhog party platter!
Applebee’s --- Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES – Bush attempts to say something about earmarked reformed ideas.
ACT 2:
On the program tonight, Paris Hilton. The last time Ms. Hilton was here things didn’t quite go so smoothly. I was fine with it, but Paris was upset by the line of questioning and Dave seems a bit sorry for the way it went. Dave wanted to talk about her time in prison. Paris said, “I’m done talking about prison.” But Dave was not. That’s all Dave wanted to talk about. It would be like having Neil Armstrong on the show and being told that Neil doesn’t want to talk about the moon. Dave likens his performance with Paris back in September to going to a party and drinking yourself into a standing coma. You wake up thinking you were hilarious last night, but then you’re told, “No, you were an ‘sdd’-hole.” Dave says now that he realizes he was wrong back then . . . that he went too far. But Dave alibis, “I was told it was a roast!”
Dave phoned Paris to apologize and begged her to come back. If she returned, Dave promised to apologize on the air. And Paris has the backbone to make the return trip. Dave says he has offended thousands of people and many have never come back. Paris is one of the few strong enough to come back . . . plus, she has a movie to plug.
The LATE SHOW cue card guy Tony Mendez has a very popular program on the Discovery channel called, “How It’s Made.” It’s a fascinating show. Tony agrees, and he throws to a clip.
We see Tony with Barry Silberman of the Little Chocolate Factory in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Mr. Silberman shows Tony around the factory as they sample the many delightful and tasty chocolates.
Silberman shows off the cocoa beans imported from the Ivory Coast and how they are roasted. Meanwhile, Tony samples more of the delicious chocolates and caramels. While Silberman goes for more chocolates, Tony slips a sharp piece of glass into one of the chocolates. When Barry Silberman returns, Tony bites into the self-sabotaged chocolate. Tony cries out in pain as blood gushes from his mouth. “I am going to sue your nuts off, you son of a bitch!” Tony wails.
Cut to a conference room. Barry Silberman sits with two lawyers. Tony sits across the table with his lawyer. An envelope is slid across the table for Tony. Silberman’s lawyer speaks: “Obviously we’d rather keep this unfortunate incident out of the papers, so we’ve decided to offer you a settlement.”
Tony eyes the check. $2,000,000. Tony’s lawyer announces, “Gentlemen, we have a deal.”
We see a montage of shots of Tony reliving his evil doings with the chocolate and the glass. It appears he may be having misgivings. But no. Tony turns to the camera with a big smile and announces, “And that’s how a fraudulent lawsuit is made.”
Oh, that Tony.
TOP TEN: THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT YOUR SUPER BOWL PARTY.
As opposed to things you WANT to hear. Paul shouts this offering: “This is great dip!” as something you would WANT to hear at a Super Bowl party. Our list consists of things you would NOT want to hear at your Super Bowl party. And if someone reminds me, on Friday I’ll check the files to see how many of these jokes we did for past Super Bowls.
#6. “Cool, Dick Butkis is here . . . oh, sorry, ma’am.” #5. “Surprise! Welcome to your intervention” #2. “Letterman’s here.”
ACT 3:
As we return from commercial, we see a clip of Paris exiting her limo and posing for the throngs of papparaz . . . . picture takers. (Calling them “paparazzi” elevates them above what they are.) Dave is very impressed at how Paris got out of her limousine and immediately began posing.
Dave introduces Paris Hilton and the young starlet makes her entrance. Dave apologizes for offending her the last time she was on the show. Dave explains his thinking at the time and now realizes he went too far. Dave pleads, “I kept pressing you. I thought we were just having fun. I never have been to prison. I was curious.”
So, no prison talk. What would Paris like to talk about? Paris says she would like to talk about her new movie, The Hottie and the Nottie. Paris plays the Hottie. The Nottie looks like one of those Geico cavemen. It opens next Friday, the 8th.
Paris has a new shoe line on the market. Dave quickly slips in, “I’m a ten-and-a-half.”
And her friend Nicole Richie had a baby recently. Paris adores the child and had fun with Baby Richie during a sleepover the other night.
Would Paris like to start a family? She would one day, but not quite yet. Dave understands; “You’re just a kid!” Paris says, “I’m 26 years old . . . as old as your show.” Ouch!
What else is Paris Hilton working on?
She’s got:
- The Paris Hilton Collection
- Jewelry
- Shoes
- Perfumes
- Luxury watches
- Hair extensions
- Cellphone video game ---- huh? How . . . what do you win? Remind me to tell you my pinball game idea someday.
- She’s got a record label.
- Her newest product: sparkling wine in a can.
Dating? Paris says she is too busy right now to be dating. What kind of guy interests her? Paris wants someone who is funny and treats her well. Dave asks, “Would you go out with someone . . . in their 60s?” She says she would.
Dave, knowing defeat, adds, “But they’d have to be very funny, right?”
Paris returns. She enjoyed her visit and thanks Dave for the lovely phone call and letter following her last visit.
You can see more of Paris starting next week in “The Hottie and The Nottie.” Don’t hesitate.
ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave takes a moment: “OK, caller, pick a number between 1 and 460.” The caller says, “235.”
A woman in the audience jumps up and begins to clap. Alan announce: “You’re both going on a three-night stay at the Monte Carlo Resort and Casino in Las Vegas.” (shot of the smoky resort from last Friday) “Welcome to the experience of a world class resort! You’ll enjoy the professionalism of our impeccable service staff, the best in contemporary entertainment, and world class gaming! The Monte Carlo Resort and Casino in Las Vegas! Come play with us!
Back to you, underpants.”
ACT 5: Alan: “My Super Bowl Weekend starts right now!”
Alan chugs from a bottle of ginger ale.
Or maybe it was something else.
ACT 6: ARTIE LANGE – One of my favorite guests on the Late Show. Mr. Lange tells very funny stories, stories that I have experienced myself but not quite as dramatic as Mr. Lange’s. My stories are Single A compared to his Major League All-Star team. My stories are Artie Lange Extremely Lite. If Artie and I were at a party and we both had a story to tell, and Artie went first, I would likely follow that up with, “Uhh, never mind.”
Artie says he met Paris backstage and was excited when he heard her say she likes funny guys. Arties brightens and says, “I think I got a shot at banging her.” Hope so. I’d like to hear that story.
Artie admits to gaining a lot of weight recently. He knew it was bad when during the big Rosie O’Donnell/Donald Trump feud, a woman came up to him on the street and said, “I am so on your side in this feud you’re having with Trump. That Trump is such a jerk.” Insulted at first, Artie then pretended to be Rosie and ended up making out with her.
Artie has a somewhat familiar face and admits to letting woman think he was a big star just so he could sleep with them. He sees it as a win-win. He gets the sex; she gets to think she had sex with a big celebrity.
Artie then talks about being a Giants fan and a Giants fan with a gambling problem. Dave asks about Artie’s gambling problem. Artie says “You don’t spend 15 years in TV and dress like this without having a gambling problem.”
Artie tells a story of betting on the Giants years back and following the game on the radio, broadcasted by Giant announcer Jim Gordon. I loved Jim Gordon, but then again, I didn’t have a gambling problem. Artie describes the frustration of depending on Jim Gordon to know what’s happening. It’s a killer to have big money on the game and then to hear Jim Gordon announce, “Touchdown Giants!!! No, he dropped it!” Artie gives more examples of how Jim Gordon tortured Artie the bettor. Gordon may have been guilty of the above, but he is a mere shadow of the incompetence shown by John Sterling doing Yankee games day in and day out.
You can see more of Artie at the Borgata in Atlantic City on February 16th.
ACT 7: VAMPIRE WEEKEND: From their album, “Vampire Weekend,” Vampire Weekend performed “A-Punk.”
And that was our show for Friday February 01, 2008.
26 YEARS ON LATE NIGHT TELEVISION First Late Night Program: February 1, 1982. Late Night programs: 1,810. Late Show programs: 2,864, plus 4 Primetime specials. Total late night programs: 4,678.
If you want to add Dave’s 90 daytime shows, that makes a total of 4,768 times Dave has hosted his own shows. He’s knocking on the door of 5,000. Oh boy, here we go again. Another 232 shows till 5,000. That’ll be next March or April. LATE SHOW 3000? Guesses anyone?
I’m really starting to hate this Super Bowl. Enough already.
In case you Patriot fans are reading this, let me say I could not care less about the spygate controversy surrounding Belichick and the team. It’s a huge “who cares” here. The papers need something to write about, but Giants fans could not care less. Jets fans . . . . they are always looking for excuses, so they may be bothered by it, but to Giants fans it means nothing.
Dang it. Not only have I allowed myself to think the Giants can win this weekend, I’ve allowed myself to think they WILL win. Yup. 27-17. Why oh why did I let myself to get into this mess. Now the game won’t be any fun. It was so much easier just being happy to be in the Big Game and hoping for, but not expecting, a win. Now that I think they will win, I’ll be filled with angst the whole game for allowing myself to get emotionally involved. I expect there to be lots of swearing and cursing. I tend to have bigger reactions to things that don’t go well for the Giants than for their successes.
I plan to watch the game by myself in my basement all alone except for beer and chips and a hoagie or two. And I am perfectly fine with that.
If the Giants are tied after 6 minutes, I’ll be very confident the rest of the way. But I’m getting an ugly feeling that the Giants will be down 14-0 by my second beer.
I’m surprised I haven’t heard more of “The All-Pros vs. The All Joes.” The Giants rallied around that when they played the Cowboys and Packers. Both teams, the Pack and the Cowboys, were filled with All-Pros, while the Giants were scarcely represented and saw themselves as an unappreciated working man’s team.
Super Bowl MVP: Giants running back, Ahmad Bradshaw.
And if the Patriots wi. . . .. if the Pats w . . . .wiii. . . if the Patriots wi wiii wii . . . then it’ll be Wes Welker.
My Super Bowl Numbers: Giants 9; Patriots 2. I got 9 and 2 in my OWN Super Bowl pool.
And speaking of icing the kicker . . . . I don’t believe in it. I always said it would be more effective to let the kicker think you were about to call time out before the kick, and then don’t call a time out. BUT . . . I think the Green Bay Packers SHOULD have iced the Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes before his overtime boot because they would have almost literally ICED the kicker. (I hate when people use “literally” when they don’t mean literally.) It was so cold that day two weeks ago in Green Bay that keeping the field goal kicker out on the field away from the sideline heaters for an extra minute or two would have caused more physical discomfort. Who knows what effect that would have had on Lawrence Tynes. So, yes, I would have “iced” the kicker in that situation.
And while you’re watching the Super Bowl, remember that there is still a Writers Strike going on
Check out the following to keep in the know. www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday. He’s 52! I can’t believe I have a brother who is 52 . . . and he isn’t even my OLDEST brother!! Happy birthday, Jack McIntee.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Television 26 Years Ago • Phone Call from Lt. Len Easton • Action News Tease • Osama Super Bowl Message • Ground Hog Day promo from Applebee's • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Tony Mendez's "How It's Made" • Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear at Your Super Bowl Party Read now
