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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Kid Scientists; Natalie Portman; and Kenna, featuring Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo. PLUS: A Movie About Barack?; Reflections of Comrade Fidel; We Take a Moment to Make the Show Better; the WGA Strike is Officially Over; and Andy Kindler at the Toy Fair ’08.
“ . . . and now, unpledged super delegate . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave threw out a slew of Ralph Nader/John McCain jokes. “But how about that John McCain . . . . he looks like the guy who . . . .” followed by “But how about that Ralph Nader . . .he looks like a guy who . . . .” and back and forth, back and forth. Very funny.
In an interview yesterday, Barack Obama said that if a movie were made about his life, he would like Will Smith to play him. It’s a very good choice. The remark prompted this response. Announce:“In a recent interview, Barack Obama said that the actor who could best portray him onscreen is Will Smith. Similarly, when John McCain was asked who would be best suited to portray him in a movie, the Senator said ‘a 150-year-old Galapagos tortoise.’
John McCain: He is old.”
In addition to retiring as president of Cuba, Fidel Castro announced he will be taking a break from his newspaper column. Many people weren’t aware he wrote a column, but it’s very popular in Cuba. We listen to a sample.
Art card: “Reflections of Comrade Fidel”
Still shots of Fidel as he verbalizes his thoughts he jotted down in his column, much like Larry King used to do in the USA Today.
Fidel:
- “Call me old-fashioned, but I think more men should wear sock garters.”
- “If the people in Hollywood had any sense at all, they’d release ‘Falcon Crest’ on DVD”
- “Why don’t you ever see Zagnut bars anymore?”
- “Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my good friend Liberace.”
Art Card: “Reflections of Comrade Fidel.”
Ever been to a Starbucks store? The Starbucks started out as one store but has since spread to a franchise of 750 million stores. There are so many Starbucks that some have another Starbucks inside of itself. Starbucks closed their stores for three-and-a-half hours yesterday to try to make improvements in their stores. Well, we decided to give it a try here tonight. Dave calls for the lights in the theater to be lowered so we can fine tune our show. After 5 seconds of darkness, the lights come back up. Hopefully, the show will run better now.
Good news. It became official yesterday. The Writers Guild overwhelmingly ratified the new contract and the bitter strike is truly over. We were pleased to have with us two of the architects of the new agreement, AMPTP President Nick Counter and Writers Guild Executive Director David Young. Dave calls them out to take a bow.
The two enter together. AMPTP President Nick Counter: “The producers are pleased what this negotiation ended with a deal both sides could live with.” Writers Guild Executive Director David Young: “It was a difficult negotiation, but ultimately a successful one.”
They turn to each other and give a hardy handshake. They then bury the hatchet for good and embrace each other in a hug. And then . . . . they passionately kiss. The lip-lock continues until Dave calls over to break it up. They then exit. Dave gushes, “Oh, Lord, they’re so happy about the agreement.” Dave guesses it’s understandable after all they went through.
President Bush is trying to remain optimistic about the nation’s economic outlook. He released this statement. Announce:“Despite recent ominous financial reports and dismal economic indicators, President Bush would like to make it clear to all Americans that the U.S. is merely in a ‘slowdown’ and not a ‘recession.’ Just like the situation in Iraq is a ‘setback’ and not a ‘defeat.’ And just like he’s a ‘moron’ and not an ‘idiot.’ George W. Bush: Only 327 days left.”
ACT 2:
Do we have a camera backstage? Can we take a look? We turn on the camera in the green room to find Counter and Young still deep in a kiss. It’s pretty much what Dave expected.
ANDY KINDLER: The funny man has an opinion on everything. He’s been watching the debates and heard Ms. Clinton announce she’s “Day 1 Ready” to be president. She must have come up with this when she heard Barack state he’d probably take a month vacation in the Bahamas if elected. He’s more like “Day 30 Ready.” Nothing gets past Hillary.
We sent Andy to the Toy Convention at the Jacob Javits Center last week.
The Etch-A-Sketch? “I would like to find the actual location of the bank that the guy who invented the Etch-A-Sketch laughed all the way to.”
“Operation” – Andy has an idea for a new game, called “HMO.” Roll the dice and move three spaces. Pick up a card: “Sorry, you forgot to fill out the form correctly. Go back three spaces to your primary care physician.”
The Game Show Network? Who watches that? There is nothing more fun than getting excited about someone winning money 40 years ago.
So, about this Toy Fair we sent him to. . . . it was supposed to be an hilarious piece of comedy but then something went awry. We see Andy’s visit to the Toy Fair.
- Andy playing with a ball.
- a huge Lego guy on steroids
- Hong Kong Kindler
- Andy on a pogo stick. He attempts. He’s unsuccessful. He tries again. Again, unsuccessful. He tries again . . . and falls flat on his back.
- Andy is taken out on a cart. He is wheeled out to a car in a wheelchair.
- Dr. Lou Aronne examines Andy. He says Andy is suffering from a soft tissue injury.
- We get the crews’ reaction. Cameraman Jim Murray can’t keep his laughter hidden as he says between giggles, “I can’t believe he fell off a pogo stick.”
- Dr. Lisa Callahan M.D. does further tests on Andy. Her diagnosis is Andy has one heck of an ass bruise.
- We take a look at a photo of Andy’s ass bruise. The shot we say was real. Yes, that was Andy’s back bruise.
- To sum up, Andy says, “I literally busted my ass to bring you this comedy piece.”
- And that was Andy’s visit to the Toy Fair.
You can see Andy March 19th on Comedy Central’s new series, “The Root of All Evil.”
ACT 3: KID SCIENTISTS
1. Kristen French; 11 years old; a 6th grader at Kennedy Jr. High School in Napierville, Illinois. Kristen likes to go to “Sox” games in her free time. How about the Cubs? Nope. She a ChiSox fan all the way.
Her demonstration: Gravity defying water. Kristen fills a glass up to the brim and then places an index card over the top. She then turns the glass of water upside down without holding the index card in place. Miraculously, the water stays in the glass, help up simply by the piece of thin cardboard. How’s that work? Air pressure is all around us and it is pressing evenly on the jar.
2. Victor Wang; 13 years old; 7th grader at Lincoln Junior High School. Dave tries to make some funnies but it doesn’t look like Victor is much into it. Dave asks if Victor has a girlfriend. Victor is a little slow on the answer so Dave takes that as a “yes.” “Way to go, says Dave as Dave and Victor knock fists.
Victor’s demonstration: smoke rings from a vortex box. The box is filled with fog and when the diaphragm of the vortex box is pumped, a smoke ring flies across the stage.
3. Sam Mather; 14 years old; 8th grader at . . . let me guess, McKinley Junior High School? No, Sam is also from Lincoln Junior High.
Sam’s demonstration: a homemade hovercraft – a vacuum is attached to a round platform with the hose blowing out. Dave kneels on the platform but is a little concerned that the vacuum engine may accidentally suck in Dave’s tie. No sooner does Dave say it when that very thing happens. It soon becomes obvious that Dave was just joking and pretended the thing ate his tie. Dave centers himself on the platform and the vacuum is turned on. With just the slightest push from Sam, Dave “floats” across the floor on the homemade hovercraft. Sam rushes to the other side of the stage and pushed Dave back. This was very cool and as soon as I get a floor as smooth and open as the stage at the Ed Sullivan Theater, I’m going to make me one of those homemade hovercrafts.
And that was the Kid Scientists.
ACT 4: NATALIE PORTMAN: Her film, The Other Boleyn Girl is a period piece in which Natalie finds herself in costume most of the day. The tight corset and wide dresses made it difficult to go to the bathroom and did not give much room to eat. In the film, we learn the King Henry VIII was not bashful in beheading people when necessary. I must admit I know little about the Boleyn girl or King Henry VIII. Actually, I know nothing about it, but it sounds like there was sex and violence involved. Hello, HBO, it sounds like a new series.
We see a clip of “The Other Boleyn Girl.” It opens on Friday.
ACT 5:
It’s the two dudes still going at it in the green room. The make-up passion is always the hottest.
ACT 7: KENNA, FEATURING PHARRELL WILLIAMS AND CHAD HUGO: From Kenna’s new CD, “Make Sure They See My Face,” the three performed “Say Goodbye To Love.”
And that was our show for Wednesday February 27, 2008.
Hey, remember yesterday when I wrote that I was wrong about a proper man should walk down a sidewalk building side when with a woman. Many wrote back telling me a man should walk street-side of the sidewalk. I thought a man should walk on the inside to protect the woman from any possible purse snatchers and thugs lurking in the dark alleys. Well, my thinking seemed to make sense to some.
Don Walko of Woodridge, Illinois:
“I believe Miss Manners, or some such Advice Columnist, did in fact once explain that the details of etiquette may change, but the general principle, that gentlemen behave gentleman-ly, does not. In the old days, so the advice went, the man walked on the street side to prevent splashes from the street, as your many readers noted. But that rule changed, as you noted, to protect the lady from muggers jumping out of dark alleys. Then the rule changed again, so this Advice Columnist went, with the man back on the street side to protect against drive-by shootings. Who knew etiquette was so flexible?”
Tom Bruce of Brooklyn, nee Lake Placid, NY
“It's time to rethink your rethinking. On the building side is the proper side for a man to walk when escorting a lady. And your reason was dead (no pun intended) on. It used to be proper to walk on the street side, but when was the last time you saw a horse and buggy on muddy streets? When was the last time you saw a mugger/purse snatcher? 'nuff said.”
OK, so it wasn’t many who came to my defense but at least I converted some.
Are you getting ready for Leap Day? Why don’t you celebrate it with a Leap Year Cocktail?
According to Gary Regan in his book The Joy of Mixology:
"This cocktail was created by Harry Craddock, for the Leap Year celebrations at the Savoy Hotel, London, on February 29th, 1928. It is said to have been responsible for more proposals than any other cocktail that has ever been mixed," reports The Savoy Cocktail Book (1930). This recipe is adapted from Craddock's original, but can certainly be enjoyed at any time of the year."
Or certainly today, February 29, 2004 at the time of this writing, 76 years to the day after Harry created it for us.
- 2 ounces gin
- ½ ounce Grand Marnier
- ½ ounce sweet vermouth
- ¼ ounce fresh lemon juice
- Twist of lemon peel
Instructions: shake the gin, Grand Marnier, and lemon juice with ice; then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with lemon peel.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Cranston, Rhode Island, it’s Malficent8, also known as Ann Sweeney
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Kid Scientists; Natalie Portman; and Kenna, featuring Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo. PLUS: A Movie About Barack?; Reflections of Comrade Fidel; We Take a Moment to Make the Show Better; the WGA Strike is Officially Over; and Andy Kindler at the Toy Fair ’08.
“ . . . and now, unpledged super delegate . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave threw out a slew of Ralph Nader/John McCain jokes. “But how about that John McCain . . . . he looks like the guy who . . . .” followed by “But how about that Ralph Nader . . .he looks like a guy who . . . .” and back and forth, back and forth. Very funny.
In an interview yesterday, Barack Obama said that if a movie were made about his life, he would like Will Smith to play him. It’s a very good choice. The remark prompted this response. Announce:“In a recent interview, Barack Obama said that the actor who could best portray him onscreen is Will Smith. Similarly, when John McCain was asked who would be best suited to portray him in a movie, the Senator said ‘a 150-year-old Galapagos tortoise.’
John McCain: He is old.”
In addition to retiring as president of Cuba, Fidel Castro announced he will be taking a break from his newspaper column. Many people weren’t aware he wrote a column, but it’s very popular in Cuba. We listen to a sample.
Art card: “Reflections of Comrade Fidel”
Still shots of Fidel as he verbalizes his thoughts he jotted down in his column, much like Larry King used to do in the USA Today.
Fidel:
- “Call me old-fashioned, but I think more men should wear sock garters.”
- “If the people in Hollywood had any sense at all, they’d release ‘Falcon Crest’ on DVD”
- “Why don’t you ever see Zagnut bars anymore?”
- “Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my good friend Liberace.”
Art Card: “Reflections of Comrade Fidel.”
Ever been to a Starbucks store? The Starbucks started out as one store but has since spread to a franchise of 750 million stores. There are so many Starbucks that some have another Starbucks inside of itself. Starbucks closed their stores for three-and-a-half hours yesterday to try to make improvements in their stores. Well, we decided to give it a try here tonight. Dave calls for the lights in the theater to be lowered so we can fine tune our show. After 5 seconds of darkness, the lights come back up. Hopefully, the show will run better now.
Good news. It became official yesterday. The Writers Guild overwhelmingly ratified the new contract and the bitter strike is truly over. We were pleased to have with us two of the architects of the new agreement, AMPTP President Nick Counter and Writers Guild Executive Director David Young. Dave calls them out to take a bow.
The two enter together. AMPTP President Nick Counter: “The producers are pleased what this negotiation ended with a deal both sides could live with.” Writers Guild Executive Director David Young: “It was a difficult negotiation, but ultimately a successful one.”
They turn to each other and give a hardy handshake. They then bury the hatchet for good and embrace each other in a hug. And then . . . . they passionately kiss. The lip-lock continues until Dave calls over to break it up. They then exit. Dave gushes, “Oh, Lord, they’re so happy about the agreement.” Dave guesses it’s understandable after all they went through.
President Bush is trying to remain optimistic about the nation’s economic outlook. He released this statement. Announce:“Despite recent ominous financial reports and dismal economic indicators, President Bush would like to make it clear to all Americans that the U.S. is merely in a ‘slowdown’ and not a ‘recession.’ Just like the situation in Iraq is a ‘setback’ and not a ‘defeat.’ And just like he’s a ‘moron’ and not an ‘idiot.’ George W. Bush: Only 327 days left.”
ACT 2:
Do we have a camera backstage? Can we take a look? We turn on the camera in the green room to find Counter and Young still deep in a kiss. It’s pretty much what Dave expected.
ANDY KINDLER: The funny man has an opinion on everything. He’s been watching the debates and heard Ms. Clinton announce she’s “Day 1 Ready” to be president. She must have come up with this when she heard Barack state he’d probably take a month vacation in the Bahamas if elected. He’s more like “Day 30 Ready.” Nothing gets past Hillary.
We sent Andy to the Toy Convention at the Jacob Javits Center last week.
The Etch-A-Sketch? “I would like to find the actual location of the bank that the guy who invented the Etch-A-Sketch laughed all the way to.”
“Operation” – Andy has an idea for a new game, called “HMO.” Roll the dice and move three spaces. Pick up a card: “Sorry, you forgot to fill out the form correctly. Go back three spaces to your primary care physician.”
The Game Show Network? Who watches that? There is nothing more fun than getting excited about someone winning money 40 years ago.
So, about this Toy Fair we sent him to. . . . it was supposed to be an hilarious piece of comedy but then something went awry. We see Andy’s visit to the Toy Fair.
- Andy playing with a ball.
- a huge Lego guy on steroids
- Hong Kong Kindler
- Andy on a pogo stick. He attempts. He’s unsuccessful. He tries again. Again, unsuccessful. He tries again . . . and falls flat on his back.
- Andy is taken out on a cart. He is wheeled out to a car in a wheelchair.
- Dr. Lou Aronne examines Andy. He says Andy is suffering from a soft tissue injury.
- We get the crews’ reaction. Cameraman Jim Murray can’t keep his laughter hidden as he says between giggles, “I can’t believe he fell off a pogo stick.”
- Dr. Lisa Callahan M.D. does further tests on Andy. Her diagnosis is Andy has one heck of an ass bruise.
- We take a look at a photo of Andy’s ass bruise. The shot we say was real. Yes, that was Andy’s back bruise.
- To sum up, Andy says, “I literally busted my ass to bring you this comedy piece.”
- And that was Andy’s visit to the Toy Fair.
You can see Andy March 19th on Comedy Central’s new series, “The Root of All Evil.”
ACT 3: KID SCIENTISTS
1. Kristen French; 11 years old; a 6th grader at Kennedy Jr. High School in Napierville, Illinois. Kristen likes to go to “Sox” games in her free time. How about the Cubs? Nope. She a ChiSox fan all the way.
Her demonstration: Gravity defying water. Kristen fills a glass up to the brim and then places an index card over the top. She then turns the glass of water upside down without holding the index card in place. Miraculously, the water stays in the glass, help up simply by the piece of thin cardboard. How’s that work? Air pressure is all around us and it is pressing evenly on the jar.
2. Victor Wang; 13 years old; 7th grader at Lincoln Junior High School. Dave tries to make some funnies but it doesn’t look like Victor is much into it. Dave asks if Victor has a girlfriend. Victor is a little slow on the answer so Dave takes that as a “yes.” “Way to go, says Dave as Dave and Victor knock fists.
Victor’s demonstration: smoke rings from a vortex box. The box is filled with fog and when the diaphragm of the vortex box is pumped, a smoke ring flies across the stage.
3. Sam Mather; 14 years old; 8th grader at . . . let me guess, McKinley Junior High School? No, Sam is also from Lincoln Junior High.
Sam’s demonstration: a homemade hovercraft – a vacuum is attached to a round platform with the hose blowing out. Dave kneels on the platform but is a little concerned that the vacuum engine may accidentally suck in Dave’s tie. No sooner does Dave say it when that very thing happens. It soon becomes obvious that Dave was just joking and pretended the thing ate his tie. Dave centers himself on the platform and the vacuum is turned on. With just the slightest push from Sam, Dave “floats” across the floor on the homemade hovercraft. Sam rushes to the other side of the stage and pushed Dave back. This was very cool and as soon as I get a floor as smooth and open as the stage at the Ed Sullivan Theater, I’m going to make me one of those homemade hovercrafts.
And that was the Kid Scientists.
ACT 4: NATALIE PORTMAN: Her film, The Other Boleyn Girl is a period piece in which Natalie finds herself in costume most of the day. The tight corset and wide dresses made it difficult to go to the bathroom and did not give much room to eat. In the film, we learn the King Henry VIII was not bashful in beheading people when necessary. I must admit I know little about the Boleyn girl or King Henry VIII. Actually, I know nothing about it, but it sounds like there was sex and violence involved. Hello, HBO, it sounds like a new series.
We see a clip of “The Other Boleyn Girl.” It opens on Friday.
ACT 5:
It’s the two dudes still going at it in the green room. The make-up passion is always the hottest.
ACT 7: KENNA, FEATURING PHARRELL WILLIAMS AND CHAD HUGO: From Kenna’s new CD, “Make Sure They See My Face,” the three performed “Say Goodbye To Love.”
And that was our show for Wednesday February 27, 2008.
Hey, remember yesterday when I wrote that I was wrong about a proper man should walk down a sidewalk building side when with a woman. Many wrote back telling me a man should walk street-side of the sidewalk. I thought a man should walk on the inside to protect the woman from any possible purse snatchers and thugs lurking in the dark alleys. Well, my thinking seemed to make sense to some.
Don Walko of Woodridge, Illinois:
“I believe Miss Manners, or some such Advice Columnist, did in fact once explain that the details of etiquette may change, but the general principle, that gentlemen behave gentleman-ly, does not. In the old days, so the advice went, the man walked on the street side to prevent splashes from the street, as your many readers noted. But that rule changed, as you noted, to protect the lady from muggers jumping out of dark alleys. Then the rule changed again, so this Advice Columnist went, with the man back on the street side to protect against drive-by shootings. Who knew etiquette was so flexible?”
Tom Bruce of Brooklyn, nee Lake Placid, NY
“It's time to rethink your rethinking. On the building side is the proper side for a man to walk when escorting a lady. And your reason was dead (no pun intended) on. It used to be proper to walk on the street side, but when was the last time you saw a horse and buggy on muddy streets? When was the last time you saw a mugger/purse snatcher? 'nuff said.”
OK, so it wasn’t many who came to my defense but at least I converted some.
Are you getting ready for Leap Day? Why don’t you celebrate it with a Leap Year Cocktail?
According to Gary Regan in his book The Joy of Mixology:
"This cocktail was created by Harry Craddock, for the Leap Year celebrations at the Savoy Hotel, London, on February 29th, 1928. It is said to have been responsible for more proposals than any other cocktail that has ever been mixed," reports The Savoy Cocktail Book (1930). This recipe is adapted from Craddock's original, but can certainly be enjoyed at any time of the year."
Or certainly today, February 29, 2004 at the time of this writing, 76 years to the day after Harry created it for us.
- 2 ounces gin
- ½ ounce Grand Marnier
- ½ ounce sweet vermouth
- ¼ ounce fresh lemon juice
- Twist of lemon peel
Instructions: shake the gin, Grand Marnier, and lemon juice with ice; then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with lemon peel.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Cranston, Rhode Island, it’s Malficent8, also known as Ann Sweeney
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Who Will Play Barack Obama and John McCain? • Phone Call from Raul Castro • Fidel Castro's Newspaper Column • Starbuck Closed Stores; Dave Tweaks The Show • WGA Contract Ratified • President Bush Staying Optimistic
