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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Mike Myers; Kevin Robinson; and Adele. PLUS:Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open; Where’s Hillary?; Tainted Tomatoes; Hardee’s Reacts to the Tomato Crisis; Great Moments In Presidential Speeches; and Small Town News.
“ . . . and now, local Kiwanis Club President. . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Moments before the taping of tonight’s show, Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open over Rocco Mediate in a thrilling sudden death playoff. Not to discount Tiger’s greatness, but Dave thinks he may have received some help. We see a clip.
We see Tiger lining up a putt. His shot is obviously going to miss by quite a bit. But then, divine intervention . . . . or maybe NASA intervention . . . . a satellite rotates and fires a laser to create a new hole at the Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego so Tiger’s putt will drop. Gee whiz, doesn’t NASA have better things to do? I guess they were just like everybody else, sneaking a look-see at work to watch the final few holes.
The media have noted that Hillary Clinton has dropped off the radar since she ended her presidential campaign. But we did some research and found out what she’s been up to.
Art Card: “Whatever Happened to Hillary Clinton?”
Update:
“On June 7, 2008, Hillary Clinton ended her bid for the presidency and quietly receded from the public spotlight. So, whatever happened to Hillary Clinton? Shortly after ending her campaign, she divorced her longtime husband Bill and struck up a romance with actor Sam Elliott. They eventually married, had three children together . . . Crystal, Mariah, and Thad . . . and bought a farm together in Luray, Virginia, where they raise goats for the pungent, tangy milk.
This has been, ‘Whatever Happened To Hillary Clinton?’”
This tainted tomato crisis is getting worse. We take a look at a can of Chef Boyardee Tomato & Beef Ravioli. The can looks fine, but look at the Chef at the top. He’s fallen over, sick from salmonella tomatoes. You hate to see that. Dave says someone should call that in to 1010 WINS.
And in light of the big salmonella scare, the major fast food chains have pulled tomatoes from their menus. Now, someone is trying to capitalize on the situation. We watch this commercial. Announce: “Do you love tomatoes on your hamburgers? Are you upset that the big fast food chains have pulled tomatoes from their menus? Well, Hardee’s has heard you, America. That’s why we’re pleased to introduce our latest burger innovation . . . . the Monster Sickburger!
A delicious quarter pound mad cow-tainted beef pattie, two slices of salmonella infested tomato, viscous, e.Coli-exposed lettuce all on a rancid sesame seed bun.
And for that extra zip, it’s been licked by this guy. (shot of an old guy smoking a cigarette)
The new Monster Sickburger! Only at Hardee’s.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “People say I got Dad’s eyes and Mom’s mouth . . . but I got far more from from from from them.”
ACT 2:
Dave mentions the tragic passing of Tim Russert over the weekend. Tim was a guest on the program 4 times. Dave admits to not knowing the man well, but everyone says he was a great guy. Dave says Sunday mornings were reserved for 3 shows; the one with Charles Osgood, the Jim Lehrer Report, and "Meet the Press" with Tim Russert. You needed nothing else.
And then Dave shifts gears, “And now back to the comedy. . . .”
I’ll always picture Russert as always having a slight smile on his face. That’s a nice way to remember a guy.
SMALL TOWN NEWS
- The Grand Island Independent (Grand Island, Nebraska): “Found: Good size orange thing. Call to identify.”
- The Northwood Anchor (Northwood, Iowa): “Guess who is turning 60? Richard Kraft --- ‘Sassy’ ‘Dickweed.’”
- The Orlando Sentinel (Orlando, Florida): “Escaped monkey in diaper chases people into traffic.”
- The Herald Tribune (Sarasota, Florida): “Found: Digital camera card with pictures from Derrick’s birthday party.”
- he DeKalb News (New Boston, Texas): “DeKalb woman arrested for sex. By Rita Hooker.”
- The State Journal-Register (Springfield, Illinois): “Tree trimming was the root of an argument between two neighbors Monday that ultimately led to them throwing walnuts at each other.”
- The Madison County Carrier (Madison, Florida): There’s nothing funny about the “Lee Limelight” column, but we thought the writer, Jacob Bembry, resembled our own writer Bob Borden. Bob, come on out.” Bob Borden enters. The split screen shows a remarkable resemblance between Bob and Jacob.
- The Tri-County Times (Fenton, Michigan): “Man found dead in cemetery.”
ACT 3: MIKE MYERS: In the film, The Love Guru. It opens this Friday.
Mike was in Paris recently promoting Shrek 3. Mike is a casual guy from a working class family. He dresses the way he dresses . . . . for comfort, not to impress. On this day in Paris, he was wearing a hockey shirt. Problem was, he was staying at the Ritz. Apparently, the Ritz has a dress code. Mike was unaware. So a security guy from the hotel confronts Mr. Myers and in a very condescending tone, asks Mike if he has a key to a room at the Ritz. He is questioning if such a regular guy could actually be staying at the Ritz. For some reason, Mike wasn’t in the mood for such questioning and came back with a somewhat snarky response. But what Mike is very proud of, and can’t explain why or how this happened, is that Mike barked back at the security guy in French. Mike the Canadian had no idea he knew so much French. A Ritz big-shot entered the scene and smoothed things over. Mike’s anger melted away. This big-shot was very very good at prettying up a difficult situation so that everybody leaves satisfied. Sounds like this guy needs to get out of the hotel business and into the McCain or Obama Administration as our Secretary of State.
Mike mentioned the film, My Left Foot in which Brenda Flicker won an Oscar. She played Mike’s mom in So I Married an Axe Murderer. This made me smile because my favorite line in film history came from My Left Foot . . . . granted, I don’t see too many movies. In the scene, the family is sitting in the living room of their cramped Irish home. The kids are doing their homework. One kid asks the besotted dad, “Dad, what’s 25% of one-quarter?” The dad thinks a moment, and then shouts in anger, “That’s a stupid question . . . 25% IS one-quarter!” I laughed out loud at the line. I was the only who laughed in the packed theater. Just repeating that line in my head can make me smile for minutes.
The Love Guru – it opens this Friday. And the next time I’m at the Blockbuster, I think I’ll pick up So I Married an Axe Murderer. I remember seeing a scene while it played on HBO and found it very funny. That was probably 10 years ago. I’ve been meaning to get to it.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Steve Carell, Lance Armstrong, and musician Dr. John.
The Late Show, Number One in comedy and custom ice cream cakes!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: KEVIN ROBINSON: BMX legend and current world record holder for the “Big Air.” Last Thursday in Central Park, Kevin Robinson rode his BMX bicycle down a ramp and then up a 27-foot ramp and flew another 27 feet into the air to set a new record in the “Big Air” at 54 feet. That’s close to 6 stores high above the ground! Is it dangerous? Kevin shows one heck of a nasty purple bruise on his elbow. Dave likens it to something you would see hanging on a hook at Gallaghers (a local restaurant of fine meats). Kevin’s suffered through 28 surgeries, 25 concussions, and a torn glute. Dave exclaims, “A torn glute! He ripped his butt, ladies and gentlemen!”
We see a clip of his world record leap into the atmosphere from last Thursday, and we see a clip of his performing the never before performed “Double Flare” which earned him a gold medal at the X-Game Olympics.
ACT 7: ADELE: From her CD, “19”, Adele performed the lovely “Chasing Pavements.” I’ll be giving this CD a full listen. It had a nice calming feel to it.
And that was our show for Monday June 16, 2008.
25% of one-quarter is one-sixteenth.
Listening to Kevin Robinson describe his “Big Air” jump reminded me of growing up in the neighborhood the summer the town put the sewers in. Running along a neighbor’s back yard was pile after pile of dirt needed for fill during the sewer project. There was a line of 8 ten-foot high piles of dirt. It didn’t take long for the kids in the neighborhood to see the potential for fun. We all got on our sting-ray bikes, baseball cards in the spokes, and rode up and down and up and down and up and down the piles of dirt. We had no idea at the time that we were BMX-ing. And we had no idea we could have made a career out of that!
I’m always looking for things that don’t quite mesh; things that don’t quite make sense. I like to look at things from a different angle and question the accepted. Sunday while watching the U.S. Tiger Woods Open, I kept hearing about Tiger’s left knee that recently went under a surgical procedure. The TV commentators made sure we were all aware of the pain and suffering Tiger was going through. They said it was the pressure on the knee from the torque of the swing that was causing a lot of pain. And then we see the Tiger in a full squat lining up a putt. He then stands without much effort or strain. Hmmm, could you do that with a sensitive knee like that? Hey, I’m just trying to stir the pot.
I’m watching the U.S. Open golf playoff over my left should right now. Since I’ve turned the match on 15 minutes ago, I’ve seen Tiger take 5 shots. I’ve yet to see Rocco Mediate anywhere. It made me think Tiger was playing by himself. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. I hope someone is recording how much TV time each is getting, Tiger vs. Rocco. I’m sure it’ll be split 50-50 right down the middle.
I was rooting for Rocco Mediate vs. Tiger Woods in the U.S. Open playoff. I have nothing against Tiger Woods, but at the end of their careers, Rocco would look at a victory here as his greatest accomplishment; one he would never forget. For Tiger, it would just be another major championship on his crowded mantle . . . which sort of makes me think of a basketball game my girls played in on Sunday. Score was tied with 10 seconds left in the game, other team’s ball. They dribble down court, take the shot, no good. But there is a foul on the play! Oh, good grief. I didn’t see it, but the ref called a foul and that’s the way it goes. Three seconds left and with the eyes of the entire gym looking down on this one pre-teen girl, there was a part of me hoping she would make the shots. For her it would be a thrill, HER thrill, for a long long time. For everyone else, it would just be another win or loss in their life.
She made both shots.
I always root for foul shots, no matter what team is taking them. The younger the player, the harder I root.
But that changes in the other direction when the players become professionals. I enjoy seeing millionaires lose a championship because the team shot 9 for 20 at the foul line.
Oh, and if you plan on beating Tiger Woods in a golf outing, you have to hope on beating him by 2 strokes. You’ll never ever beat him by one.
I find it hard to root for someone or a team that wins all the time, but this Tiger Woods is different. Yes, I usually root against him but he is the absolute BEST in the world at what any of us do, no matter the sport, no matter what field of expertise, be it sports, medicine, business. He is so much better than the next best. It is rare to know you are watching the greatest there ever was as it happens.
And now it’s time for another installment of “LATE NIGHT the Day They Were Born.”
Adele was born May 5, 1988. So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Adele was born? LATE NIGHT, May 5, 1988: in the middle of a writers' strike. Rerun from February 28, 1984: Richard Lewis; Michael Heitter, creator of Dave's Suit of Velcro; and Anthony Price, who answered the pay phone on 6th Ave.
This has been “Late Night the Day They Were Born.”
Many thanks to Don Giller for the above feature. Many feel Mr. Giller’s genius can be found in his extensive and detailed, and still secretive database, but his true genius can be found here: www.cdbaby.com/cd/lathropgiller
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Thunder Baseball in High Point, North Carolina, it’s Anthony Fucci
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Mike Myers; Kevin Robinson; and Adele. PLUS:Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open; Where’s Hillary?; Tainted Tomatoes; Hardee’s Reacts to the Tomato Crisis; Great Moments In Presidential Speeches; and Small Town News.
“ . . . and now, local Kiwanis Club President. . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Moments before the taping of tonight’s show, Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open over Rocco Mediate in a thrilling sudden death playoff. Not to discount Tiger’s greatness, but Dave thinks he may have received some help. We see a clip.
We see Tiger lining up a putt. His shot is obviously going to miss by quite a bit. But then, divine intervention . . . . or maybe NASA intervention . . . . a satellite rotates and fires a laser to create a new hole at the Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego so Tiger’s putt will drop. Gee whiz, doesn’t NASA have better things to do? I guess they were just like everybody else, sneaking a look-see at work to watch the final few holes.
The media have noted that Hillary Clinton has dropped off the radar since she ended her presidential campaign. But we did some research and found out what she’s been up to.
Art Card: “Whatever Happened to Hillary Clinton?”
Update:
“On June 7, 2008, Hillary Clinton ended her bid for the presidency and quietly receded from the public spotlight. So, whatever happened to Hillary Clinton? Shortly after ending her campaign, she divorced her longtime husband Bill and struck up a romance with actor Sam Elliott. They eventually married, had three children together . . . Crystal, Mariah, and Thad . . . and bought a farm together in Luray, Virginia, where they raise goats for the pungent, tangy milk.
This has been, ‘Whatever Happened To Hillary Clinton?’”
This tainted tomato crisis is getting worse. We take a look at a can of Chef Boyardee Tomato & Beef Ravioli. The can looks fine, but look at the Chef at the top. He’s fallen over, sick from salmonella tomatoes. You hate to see that. Dave says someone should call that in to 1010 WINS.
And in light of the big salmonella scare, the major fast food chains have pulled tomatoes from their menus. Now, someone is trying to capitalize on the situation. We watch this commercial. Announce: “Do you love tomatoes on your hamburgers? Are you upset that the big fast food chains have pulled tomatoes from their menus? Well, Hardee’s has heard you, America. That’s why we’re pleased to introduce our latest burger innovation . . . . the Monster Sickburger!
A delicious quarter pound mad cow-tainted beef pattie, two slices of salmonella infested tomato, viscous, e.Coli-exposed lettuce all on a rancid sesame seed bun.
And for that extra zip, it’s been licked by this guy. (shot of an old guy smoking a cigarette)
The new Monster Sickburger! Only at Hardee’s.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “People say I got Dad’s eyes and Mom’s mouth . . . but I got far more from from from from them.”
ACT 2:
Dave mentions the tragic passing of Tim Russert over the weekend. Tim was a guest on the program 4 times. Dave admits to not knowing the man well, but everyone says he was a great guy. Dave says Sunday mornings were reserved for 3 shows; the one with Charles Osgood, the Jim Lehrer Report, and "Meet the Press" with Tim Russert. You needed nothing else.
And then Dave shifts gears, “And now back to the comedy. . . .”
I’ll always picture Russert as always having a slight smile on his face. That’s a nice way to remember a guy.
SMALL TOWN NEWS
- The Grand Island Independent (Grand Island, Nebraska): “Found: Good size orange thing. Call to identify.”
- The Northwood Anchor (Northwood, Iowa): “Guess who is turning 60? Richard Kraft --- ‘Sassy’ ‘Dickweed.’”
- The Orlando Sentinel (Orlando, Florida): “Escaped monkey in diaper chases people into traffic.”
- The Herald Tribune (Sarasota, Florida): “Found: Digital camera card with pictures from Derrick’s birthday party.”
- he DeKalb News (New Boston, Texas): “DeKalb woman arrested for sex. By Rita Hooker.”
- The State Journal-Register (Springfield, Illinois): “Tree trimming was the root of an argument between two neighbors Monday that ultimately led to them throwing walnuts at each other.”
- The Madison County Carrier (Madison, Florida): There’s nothing funny about the “Lee Limelight” column, but we thought the writer, Jacob Bembry, resembled our own writer Bob Borden. Bob, come on out.” Bob Borden enters. The split screen shows a remarkable resemblance between Bob and Jacob.
- The Tri-County Times (Fenton, Michigan): “Man found dead in cemetery.”
ACT 3: MIKE MYERS: In the film, The Love Guru. It opens this Friday.
Mike was in Paris recently promoting Shrek 3. Mike is a casual guy from a working class family. He dresses the way he dresses . . . . for comfort, not to impress. On this day in Paris, he was wearing a hockey shirt. Problem was, he was staying at the Ritz. Apparently, the Ritz has a dress code. Mike was unaware. So a security guy from the hotel confronts Mr. Myers and in a very condescending tone, asks Mike if he has a key to a room at the Ritz. He is questioning if such a regular guy could actually be staying at the Ritz. For some reason, Mike wasn’t in the mood for such questioning and came back with a somewhat snarky response. But what Mike is very proud of, and can’t explain why or how this happened, is that Mike barked back at the security guy in French. Mike the Canadian had no idea he knew so much French. A Ritz big-shot entered the scene and smoothed things over. Mike’s anger melted away. This big-shot was very very good at prettying up a difficult situation so that everybody leaves satisfied. Sounds like this guy needs to get out of the hotel business and into the McCain or Obama Administration as our Secretary of State.
Mike mentioned the film, My Left Foot in which Brenda Flicker won an Oscar. She played Mike’s mom in So I Married an Axe Murderer. This made me smile because my favorite line in film history came from My Left Foot . . . . granted, I don’t see too many movies. In the scene, the family is sitting in the living room of their cramped Irish home. The kids are doing their homework. One kid asks the besotted dad, “Dad, what’s 25% of one-quarter?” The dad thinks a moment, and then shouts in anger, “That’s a stupid question . . . 25% IS one-quarter!” I laughed out loud at the line. I was the only who laughed in the packed theater. Just repeating that line in my head can make me smile for minutes.
The Love Guru – it opens this Friday. And the next time I’m at the Blockbuster, I think I’ll pick up So I Married an Axe Murderer. I remember seeing a scene while it played on HBO and found it very funny. That was probably 10 years ago. I’ve been meaning to get to it.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Steve Carell, Lance Armstrong, and musician Dr. John.
The Late Show, Number One in comedy and custom ice cream cakes!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: KEVIN ROBINSON: BMX legend and current world record holder for the “Big Air.” Last Thursday in Central Park, Kevin Robinson rode his BMX bicycle down a ramp and then up a 27-foot ramp and flew another 27 feet into the air to set a new record in the “Big Air” at 54 feet. That’s close to 6 stores high above the ground! Is it dangerous? Kevin shows one heck of a nasty purple bruise on his elbow. Dave likens it to something you would see hanging on a hook at Gallaghers (a local restaurant of fine meats). Kevin’s suffered through 28 surgeries, 25 concussions, and a torn glute. Dave exclaims, “A torn glute! He ripped his butt, ladies and gentlemen!”
We see a clip of his world record leap into the atmosphere from last Thursday, and we see a clip of his performing the never before performed “Double Flare” which earned him a gold medal at the X-Game Olympics.
ACT 7: ADELE: From her CD, “19”, Adele performed the lovely “Chasing Pavements.” I’ll be giving this CD a full listen. It had a nice calming feel to it.
And that was our show for Monday June 16, 2008.
25% of one-quarter is one-sixteenth.
Listening to Kevin Robinson describe his “Big Air” jump reminded me of growing up in the neighborhood the summer the town put the sewers in. Running along a neighbor’s back yard was pile after pile of dirt needed for fill during the sewer project. There was a line of 8 ten-foot high piles of dirt. It didn’t take long for the kids in the neighborhood to see the potential for fun. We all got on our sting-ray bikes, baseball cards in the spokes, and rode up and down and up and down and up and down the piles of dirt. We had no idea at the time that we were BMX-ing. And we had no idea we could have made a career out of that!
I’m always looking for things that don’t quite mesh; things that don’t quite make sense. I like to look at things from a different angle and question the accepted. Sunday while watching the U.S. Tiger Woods Open, I kept hearing about Tiger’s left knee that recently went under a surgical procedure. The TV commentators made sure we were all aware of the pain and suffering Tiger was going through. They said it was the pressure on the knee from the torque of the swing that was causing a lot of pain. And then we see the Tiger in a full squat lining up a putt. He then stands without much effort or strain. Hmmm, could you do that with a sensitive knee like that? Hey, I’m just trying to stir the pot.
I’m watching the U.S. Open golf playoff over my left should right now. Since I’ve turned the match on 15 minutes ago, I’ve seen Tiger take 5 shots. I’ve yet to see Rocco Mediate anywhere. It made me think Tiger was playing by himself. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. I hope someone is recording how much TV time each is getting, Tiger vs. Rocco. I’m sure it’ll be split 50-50 right down the middle.
I was rooting for Rocco Mediate vs. Tiger Woods in the U.S. Open playoff. I have nothing against Tiger Woods, but at the end of their careers, Rocco would look at a victory here as his greatest accomplishment; one he would never forget. For Tiger, it would just be another major championship on his crowded mantle . . . which sort of makes me think of a basketball game my girls played in on Sunday. Score was tied with 10 seconds left in the game, other team’s ball. They dribble down court, take the shot, no good. But there is a foul on the play! Oh, good grief. I didn’t see it, but the ref called a foul and that’s the way it goes. Three seconds left and with the eyes of the entire gym looking down on this one pre-teen girl, there was a part of me hoping she would make the shots. For her it would be a thrill, HER thrill, for a long long time. For everyone else, it would just be another win or loss in their life.
She made both shots.
I always root for foul shots, no matter what team is taking them. The younger the player, the harder I root.
But that changes in the other direction when the players become professionals. I enjoy seeing millionaires lose a championship because the team shot 9 for 20 at the foul line.
Oh, and if you plan on beating Tiger Woods in a golf outing, you have to hope on beating him by 2 strokes. You’ll never ever beat him by one.
I find it hard to root for someone or a team that wins all the time, but this Tiger Woods is different. Yes, I usually root against him but he is the absolute BEST in the world at what any of us do, no matter the sport, no matter what field of expertise, be it sports, medicine, business. He is so much better than the next best. It is rare to know you are watching the greatest there ever was as it happens.
And now it’s time for another installment of “LATE NIGHT the Day They Were Born.”
Adele was born May 5, 1988. So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Adele was born? LATE NIGHT, May 5, 1988: in the middle of a writers' strike. Rerun from February 28, 1984: Richard Lewis; Michael Heitter, creator of Dave's Suit of Velcro; and Anthony Price, who answered the pay phone on 6th Ave.
This has been “Late Night the Day They Were Born.”
Many thanks to Don Giller for the above feature. Many feel Mr. Giller’s genius can be found in his extensive and detailed, and still secretive database, but his true genius can be found here: www.cdbaby.com/cd/lathropgiller
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Thunder Baseball in High Point, North Carolina, it’s Anthony Fucci
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Tiger's Birdie Putt with Assist from NASA • Whatever Happened to Hillary Clinton? • Tainted Tomatoes Killed Chef Boyardee • Hardee's Monster Sickburger • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
