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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Carla Bruni; Jack Hanna; and the Cold Hard Cash Show. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show in France; a Top Ten; and a visit from Lyle the Intern.
" . . . and now, minor Hindu deity . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: Monologue jokes:
"So cold, the Statue of Liberty was wearing her crown with ear flaps."
"So cold, Sarah Palin bought $150,000 worth of mittens."
"Sarah Palin's excited about the book deal offer of $7 million. She says she's looking forward to working with Joe the Publisher."
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: " . . . I can't imagine, will, I uhhhhhh"
ACT 2:
Dave admits to being a bit nervous for tonight's show. Carla Bruni is with us, the First Lady of France, the wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy. And she is an international model and entertainer.
Dave has prepared a few things. He says he'll start out with a simple, "Good evening." He'll follow that with "Bon soir." And since she is originally from Italy, he'll include a "Buena sera."
And whenever we have a major dignitary on the show, the Secret Service is right there with them. Dave notices the French Secret Service is much cooler than our own. Dave saw one backstage smoking a cigarette. ODD DAVE: for my records . . . . Dave at the desk mimes smoking a cigarette like a Frenchman, speaking with an accent. You may see that shot of Dave in a future comedy piece yet to be determined. I'll be asked for an odd shot of Dave and I'll have a list of such shots for the writer.
Dave is concerned he is going to make a terrible diplomatic mistake tonight; afraid he'll create an international incident. He feels like he is driving without a license, claiming, "I shouldn't be doing this!"
Carla Bruni is familiar with Dave and the "Late Show" as it once aired in France. Unfortunately, it was canceled. Dave takes most of the blame for that. Before sending our show to France, we made some slight changes in hopes it would appeal to our French friends. Good idea, but poorly executed. We take a look at a clip of the "Late Show" as shown in France.
We see a shot of Dave from a show 3 years ago at the desk. A crude beret has been added along with a French-like mustache. That's how the "Late Show" appeared in France.
I was asked to find that shot. This clip was 3-5 year old. I really had no recollection of that. I checked some of my logs and came up with two possible locations of where we had it. Luckily, it was a hit. But I'm not sure we ever used it.
TOP TEN: Things Overheard During Obama's Meeting With McCain #9. "I know a guy who would be a perfect Secretary of Plumbing" #3. "Where's the soup? Someone said there would be soup!"
And out of the animation, we found Lyle the Intern sitting in the guest chair. You can watch Lyle's visit with Dave in its entirety by clicking on the appropriate link in the column to the right...
ACT 3: CARLA BRUNI
The First Lady of France, married to French President Nicolas Sarkozy. And she has a new CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait." The big question: "Why did she want to be on the show?" Carla says she has seen the show on French TV and it does quite well. She is very happy to be here.
Carla was born in Italy and her family moved to France when she was 7. She went to an Italian school in France and grew up speaking both French and Italian. She went on to have a long and very successful career as a model and had an album in 2003 which was a huge hit. Says Dave, "If I was Italy, I would try to get you back."
How did she meet her husband, Nicolas Sarkozy? She says they met about a year ago at a dinner party. Was it a set up? Not sure, but they were the only singles in a party of couples. And she admits it was love at first sight. The elegant Monsieur Letterman says, "Ahhh, tres romantique."
Then what happened? They got engaged and then married. Carla says things moved quickly because "it is not comfortable dating the President of France." Dave says "We had a President who dated and it didn't work out."
We take a look at a photo of Carla and Queen Elizabeth II. Dave wonders why the Queen is wearing that somewhat odd hat. Dave answers his own question, "Because the guy couldn't guess her weight." Carla defends the Queen and the hat, though I'm not sure if Ms. Bruni caught the old carnie joke.
We see another photo, this time of Carla and husband Nicolas Sarkozy meeting the Pope. I "Played the Dave" and asked, "Why is the Pope wearing that hat?" Dave didn't ask. I lost. But Dave imagines what the Pope was thinking when he met the lovely Carla Bruni. He is still a man, after all.
Dave asks how France reacted with the election of our soon-to-be President Barack Obama. She says everyone is very excited and thrilled. She adds that her husband met with George W. Bush yesterday. Dave asks, "And do they get along?" Carla thinks a moment and answers, "They have to." I liked that answer.
And later in the show, Carla Bruni will sing something from her new CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait," which can be seen exclusively on the Late Show website at www.cbs.com/lateshow. Carla excitedly points out that CBS is her new initials.
ACT 4: JACK HANNA
"Jungle Jack" comes out with a pouch for Dave to wear. Inside the pouch is cute little wallaby. Dave feeds the wallaby from a bottle.
Dave asks Jack what he thought of Carla Bruni, the First Lady of France, and if he's ever been to France. Jack says he was in Paris once just for a few hours to do something for his show. While there he had some escargots. On the boat back across the Channel, Jack says he got sick and "threw everything up." Dave says that was a delightful story and is sure Ms. Bruni would love to hear it.
While Dave feeds the wallaby, Jack shows a red kangaroo that he is carrying. The red kangaroo will grow to be the biggest of all kangaroos. Dave mentions that some people eat kangaroo. Jack is aware of that. Those at home who have been watching Dave all these years should have known what was coming; what Dave was leading up to. I sat watching Dave and kept saying, "Here it comes. Here is comes." Dave tells Jack he has a hard time eating kangaroo because it keeps jumping off the plate. Jack lets out a bellyful of laugh. He enjoyed the kangaroo joke. And like a good song I've heard many times before, I enjoyed the joke as well.
Jack then brings out another animal. Jack blurts out to Dave, "Dave, what is the first letter in the alphabet?" Dave, trying to figure the trick to the question, answers "A". Jack corrects himself, "I mean, first word?" By now we realize Jack has an aardvark. Jack puts down a bowl of food for the aardvark and the aardvark sniffs. After a moment, Jack becomes alarmed, "Wrong bowl!" Jack quickly makes the switch to the right food.
We then see a cute lion cub, and then a monkey-type creature, the Japanese macaque. Dave throws some grapes to the macaque, which snares it with a snap of the wrist. My favorite part of Jack Hanna and his animals had nothing to do with Jack or his animals. It was seeing Dave open a banana. Dave took the stem part of the banana and simply snapped his wrist to create the break in the peel. He did it with one hand. I've always needed two. Now I know better. I'll be trying that the next time I have a banana.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show: Katie Couric, actor Dev Patel, and Guns N' Roses tribute band, Mr. Brownstone.
Correction: the ingredients in last night's recipe should have been oats,' not cats.'
Sorry."
ACT 7: THE COLD HARD CASH SHOW: "Tribute Band Week" continues in this tribute to Johnny Cash by the Cold Hard Cash Show. From the Cold Hard Cash CD, we heard "Folsom Prison Blues."
And that was our show for Tuesday November 18, 2008.
And immediately after the show, Carla Bruni performed a lovely song, "Le Temps Perdu" ("Time Lost") from her CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait" ("As If Nothing Happened") which you can see and hear on the Late Show website. I'm not sure of the address . . . . something something dot com, I think.
I think the U.S. auto industry needs to call AAA.
Monday Night Football: Cleveland Browns: 29 Buffalo Bills: 27
Hey, Donovan McNabb, the Browns scored more points. That means the Cleveland Browns won. Not sure if you knew that.
I have a new hobby. Every Monday I scan the newspaper to find the worst Sunday performance by an NFL team. I then go on the computer and google the city and "sports talk radio". I then listen to what the fans in that city are talking about. For some reason, I enjoy listening to fans' misery more than their celebration. I was listening to a station in Philadelphia on Monday and Tuesday following the Eagles tie against the 1-8 Cincinnati Bengals. What made the game even more infuriating was the Eagles quarterback, the veteran Donovan McNabb, didn't realize the game could end in a tie. He thought they would keep playing until there was a winner. Fans are irate, incredulous, and furious. But worse, they are disillusioned. The fans can't understand how a professional quarterback, the leader of their team, didn't know this basic rule. The fan cannot understand why they know more about the game than the multi-million dollar professional quarterback. Anger is soon followed by . . . . . "What am I doing? Why do I care about my Eagles as much as I do? What's the use?" And that is the biggest fear in professional sports. Those who profit off the sports fan are petrified that one day the fan will realize that sports is a diversion, that it's entertainment, that it is actually . . . . unimportant in their daily life. And with that will come their intolerance of ticket prices, parking prices, the price of a $7 football jersey going for ten-times that, the price of a warm beer at the concession stand. And then the Sunday football game will no longer be "must see TV" but will become "If I have time TV". The endless money stream long enjoyed by sports team owners and TV networks will slow.
Back in my mid-20s, half a lifetime ago, I was a big sports fan. I lived and died with my New York Football Giants. After years of futility, the Big Blue started winning and making the playoffs. It was a thrilling time after living through dismal Giant teams of the late 60s and 70s. So the Giants are in the playoffs against the San Francisco 49ers. The Giants lose. I am morose. I am depressed. I am wiped out. And I hate Joe Montana. I blamed the 49er quarterback from my misery. If it wasn't for him, my Giants would be still playing and it would be the Giants who would be headed for the Super Bowl. Oh, how I hated Joe Montana. A week passed. And another week passed. I was still glum and numb from my Giants ousting from the playoffs. The season is over. I'm sitting in front of the TV on a cold, rainy Sunday in February. I stop to watch a Celebrity/Pro-Am golf tournament. It's February, remember, there's nothing good on TV in February. I'm watching the Celebrity/Pro-Am golf tournament and playing in the tourney is the great Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor. It was nice to see a hero enjoying himself in the Hawaii sun after giving his all on the football field for 5 months. And then . . . . and then I see him laughing it up, back-slapping, goofing around with . . . . Joe Montana! WHAT! Lawrence Taylor is having fun with Joe Montana?! But that can't be right! Because of Joe Montana, Lawrence Taylor and the Giants weren't going to the Super Bowl! How could Lawrence Taylor . . . . what the . . . how could . . . .???
And it was at that moment I realized that sports isn't supposed to be what I made of it. It's nothing to live and die for. The game is there for you to enjoy. It shouldn't be taken so seriously. It's all for fun. Sure, you can root hard for your team, and curse your team, and get angry at your team, and celebrate your team. But the Yankees and the Giants are no longer what they once were for me. Sure, I like them, but I am no longer willing to pay $20 to park my car to see them play. I am no longer willing to pay more than $50 for a seat at the game. I am no longer willing to pay $8 for a beer at their stadium . . . . . . well, maybe I'll buy one, but I won't buy two. I still root for them, but the emotion is not there. It's for fun, it shouldn't be work.
And I think that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb not knowing a simple basic rule of the game will have a similar affect on some Eagle fans, too.
Am I being too dramatic over McNabb's ignorance of the rules? Perhaps, but I had nothing else to fill up the Wahoo today and I was desperate.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Originally from Westphalia, Michigan, it's Ryan J. Bengel, CPA. His co-workers insist that the CPA does not mean Certified Public Accountant.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Carla Bruni; Jack Hanna; and the Cold Hard Cash Show. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show in France; a Top Ten; and a visit from Lyle the Intern.
" . . . and now, minor Hindu deity . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: Monologue jokes:
"So cold, the Statue of Liberty was wearing her crown with ear flaps."
"So cold, Sarah Palin bought $150,000 worth of mittens."
"Sarah Palin's excited about the book deal offer of $7 million. She says she's looking forward to working with Joe the Publisher."
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: " . . . I can't imagine, will, I uhhhhhh"
ACT 2:
Dave admits to being a bit nervous for tonight's show. Carla Bruni is with us, the First Lady of France, the wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy. And she is an international model and entertainer.
Dave has prepared a few things. He says he'll start out with a simple, "Good evening." He'll follow that with "Bon soir." And since she is originally from Italy, he'll include a "Buena sera."
And whenever we have a major dignitary on the show, the Secret Service is right there with them. Dave notices the French Secret Service is much cooler than our own. Dave saw one backstage smoking a cigarette. ODD DAVE: for my records . . . . Dave at the desk mimes smoking a cigarette like a Frenchman, speaking with an accent. You may see that shot of Dave in a future comedy piece yet to be determined. I'll be asked for an odd shot of Dave and I'll have a list of such shots for the writer.
Dave is concerned he is going to make a terrible diplomatic mistake tonight; afraid he'll create an international incident. He feels like he is driving without a license, claiming, "I shouldn't be doing this!"
Carla Bruni is familiar with Dave and the "Late Show" as it once aired in France. Unfortunately, it was canceled. Dave takes most of the blame for that. Before sending our show to France, we made some slight changes in hopes it would appeal to our French friends. Good idea, but poorly executed. We take a look at a clip of the "Late Show" as shown in France.
We see a shot of Dave from a show 3 years ago at the desk. A crude beret has been added along with a French-like mustache. That's how the "Late Show" appeared in France.
I was asked to find that shot. This clip was 3-5 year old. I really had no recollection of that. I checked some of my logs and came up with two possible locations of where we had it. Luckily, it was a hit. But I'm not sure we ever used it.
TOP TEN: Things Overheard During Obama's Meeting With McCain #9. "I know a guy who would be a perfect Secretary of Plumbing" #3. "Where's the soup? Someone said there would be soup!"
And out of the animation, we found Lyle the Intern sitting in the guest chair. You can watch Lyle's visit with Dave in its entirety by clicking on the appropriate link in the column to the right...
ACT 3: CARLA BRUNI
The First Lady of France, married to French President Nicolas Sarkozy. And she has a new CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait." The big question: "Why did she want to be on the show?" Carla says she has seen the show on French TV and it does quite well. She is very happy to be here.
Carla was born in Italy and her family moved to France when she was 7. She went to an Italian school in France and grew up speaking both French and Italian. She went on to have a long and very successful career as a model and had an album in 2003 which was a huge hit. Says Dave, "If I was Italy, I would try to get you back."
How did she meet her husband, Nicolas Sarkozy? She says they met about a year ago at a dinner party. Was it a set up? Not sure, but they were the only singles in a party of couples. And she admits it was love at first sight. The elegant Monsieur Letterman says, "Ahhh, tres romantique."
Then what happened? They got engaged and then married. Carla says things moved quickly because "it is not comfortable dating the President of France." Dave says "We had a President who dated and it didn't work out."
We take a look at a photo of Carla and Queen Elizabeth II. Dave wonders why the Queen is wearing that somewhat odd hat. Dave answers his own question, "Because the guy couldn't guess her weight." Carla defends the Queen and the hat, though I'm not sure if Ms. Bruni caught the old carnie joke.
We see another photo, this time of Carla and husband Nicolas Sarkozy meeting the Pope. I "Played the Dave" and asked, "Why is the Pope wearing that hat?" Dave didn't ask. I lost. But Dave imagines what the Pope was thinking when he met the lovely Carla Bruni. He is still a man, after all.
Dave asks how France reacted with the election of our soon-to-be President Barack Obama. She says everyone is very excited and thrilled. She adds that her husband met with George W. Bush yesterday. Dave asks, "And do they get along?" Carla thinks a moment and answers, "They have to." I liked that answer.
And later in the show, Carla Bruni will sing something from her new CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait," which can be seen exclusively on the Late Show website at www.cbs.com/lateshow. Carla excitedly points out that CBS is her new initials.
ACT 4: JACK HANNA
"Jungle Jack" comes out with a pouch for Dave to wear. Inside the pouch is cute little wallaby. Dave feeds the wallaby from a bottle.
Dave asks Jack what he thought of Carla Bruni, the First Lady of France, and if he's ever been to France. Jack says he was in Paris once just for a few hours to do something for his show. While there he had some escargots. On the boat back across the Channel, Jack says he got sick and "threw everything up." Dave says that was a delightful story and is sure Ms. Bruni would love to hear it.
While Dave feeds the wallaby, Jack shows a red kangaroo that he is carrying. The red kangaroo will grow to be the biggest of all kangaroos. Dave mentions that some people eat kangaroo. Jack is aware of that. Those at home who have been watching Dave all these years should have known what was coming; what Dave was leading up to. I sat watching Dave and kept saying, "Here it comes. Here is comes." Dave tells Jack he has a hard time eating kangaroo because it keeps jumping off the plate. Jack lets out a bellyful of laugh. He enjoyed the kangaroo joke. And like a good song I've heard many times before, I enjoyed the joke as well.
Jack then brings out another animal. Jack blurts out to Dave, "Dave, what is the first letter in the alphabet?" Dave, trying to figure the trick to the question, answers "A". Jack corrects himself, "I mean, first word?" By now we realize Jack has an aardvark. Jack puts down a bowl of food for the aardvark and the aardvark sniffs. After a moment, Jack becomes alarmed, "Wrong bowl!" Jack quickly makes the switch to the right food.
We then see a cute lion cub, and then a monkey-type creature, the Japanese macaque. Dave throws some grapes to the macaque, which snares it with a snap of the wrist. My favorite part of Jack Hanna and his animals had nothing to do with Jack or his animals. It was seeing Dave open a banana. Dave took the stem part of the banana and simply snapped his wrist to create the break in the peel. He did it with one hand. I've always needed two. Now I know better. I'll be trying that the next time I have a banana.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show: Katie Couric, actor Dev Patel, and Guns N' Roses tribute band, Mr. Brownstone.
Correction: the ingredients in last night's recipe should have been oats,' not cats.'
Sorry."
ACT 7: THE COLD HARD CASH SHOW: "Tribute Band Week" continues in this tribute to Johnny Cash by the Cold Hard Cash Show. From the Cold Hard Cash CD, we heard "Folsom Prison Blues."
And that was our show for Tuesday November 18, 2008.
And immediately after the show, Carla Bruni performed a lovely song, "Le Temps Perdu" ("Time Lost") from her CD, "Comme Si De Rien N'Etait" ("As If Nothing Happened") which you can see and hear on the Late Show website. I'm not sure of the address . . . . something something dot com, I think.
I think the U.S. auto industry needs to call AAA.
Monday Night Football: Cleveland Browns: 29 Buffalo Bills: 27
Hey, Donovan McNabb, the Browns scored more points. That means the Cleveland Browns won. Not sure if you knew that.
I have a new hobby. Every Monday I scan the newspaper to find the worst Sunday performance by an NFL team. I then go on the computer and google the city and "sports talk radio". I then listen to what the fans in that city are talking about. For some reason, I enjoy listening to fans' misery more than their celebration. I was listening to a station in Philadelphia on Monday and Tuesday following the Eagles tie against the 1-8 Cincinnati Bengals. What made the game even more infuriating was the Eagles quarterback, the veteran Donovan McNabb, didn't realize the game could end in a tie. He thought they would keep playing until there was a winner. Fans are irate, incredulous, and furious. But worse, they are disillusioned. The fans can't understand how a professional quarterback, the leader of their team, didn't know this basic rule. The fan cannot understand why they know more about the game than the multi-million dollar professional quarterback. Anger is soon followed by . . . . . "What am I doing? Why do I care about my Eagles as much as I do? What's the use?" And that is the biggest fear in professional sports. Those who profit off the sports fan are petrified that one day the fan will realize that sports is a diversion, that it's entertainment, that it is actually . . . . unimportant in their daily life. And with that will come their intolerance of ticket prices, parking prices, the price of a $7 football jersey going for ten-times that, the price of a warm beer at the concession stand. And then the Sunday football game will no longer be "must see TV" but will become "If I have time TV". The endless money stream long enjoyed by sports team owners and TV networks will slow.
Back in my mid-20s, half a lifetime ago, I was a big sports fan. I lived and died with my New York Football Giants. After years of futility, the Big Blue started winning and making the playoffs. It was a thrilling time after living through dismal Giant teams of the late 60s and 70s. So the Giants are in the playoffs against the San Francisco 49ers. The Giants lose. I am morose. I am depressed. I am wiped out. And I hate Joe Montana. I blamed the 49er quarterback from my misery. If it wasn't for him, my Giants would be still playing and it would be the Giants who would be headed for the Super Bowl. Oh, how I hated Joe Montana. A week passed. And another week passed. I was still glum and numb from my Giants ousting from the playoffs. The season is over. I'm sitting in front of the TV on a cold, rainy Sunday in February. I stop to watch a Celebrity/Pro-Am golf tournament. It's February, remember, there's nothing good on TV in February. I'm watching the Celebrity/Pro-Am golf tournament and playing in the tourney is the great Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor. It was nice to see a hero enjoying himself in the Hawaii sun after giving his all on the football field for 5 months. And then . . . . and then I see him laughing it up, back-slapping, goofing around with . . . . Joe Montana! WHAT! Lawrence Taylor is having fun with Joe Montana?! But that can't be right! Because of Joe Montana, Lawrence Taylor and the Giants weren't going to the Super Bowl! How could Lawrence Taylor . . . . what the . . . how could . . . .???
And it was at that moment I realized that sports isn't supposed to be what I made of it. It's nothing to live and die for. The game is there for you to enjoy. It shouldn't be taken so seriously. It's all for fun. Sure, you can root hard for your team, and curse your team, and get angry at your team, and celebrate your team. But the Yankees and the Giants are no longer what they once were for me. Sure, I like them, but I am no longer willing to pay $20 to park my car to see them play. I am no longer willing to pay more than $50 for a seat at the game. I am no longer willing to pay $8 for a beer at their stadium . . . . . . well, maybe I'll buy one, but I won't buy two. I still root for them, but the emotion is not there. It's for fun, it shouldn't be work.
And I think that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb not knowing a simple basic rule of the game will have a similar affect on some Eagle fans, too.
Am I being too dramatic over McNabb's ignorance of the rules? Perhaps, but I had nothing else to fill up the Wahoo today and I was desperate.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Originally from Westphalia, Michigan, it's Ryan J. Bengel, CPA. His co-workers insist that the CPA does not mean Certified Public Accountant.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
