" . . . and now, your new Secretary of Commerce . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue:
-"The machine on the Space Shuttle that turns urine into water is broken. And you thought the coffee at YOUR office tasted bad . . . .!"
-"The Capitol Hill Christmas Tree arrived in Washington. The $10 billion ornament contract went to Halliburton."

"Great Moments in Presidential Speeches"
Bush: " . . ..uhhh . . . . me . . . a . . tell people why. . .uhhh uhhh . . .. ummm. . . . . I think they're cost effective . . . ."

ACT 2:
Worried about the economy? Good news! Barack Obama is a genius and he's got it under control. We take a look at this announcement.
Announce:

"President-elect Obama knows Americans are deeply concerned about the troubled economy. That's why he and his advisors have devised a bold yet secret plan to generate billions of dollars of additional emergency funds. To learn the confidential details, send $10,000 to Secret Economic Plan, P.O. Box 9800, Washington, D.C. 20225.
Enclose an additional $1,000 to find out why we'd like an additional $1,000! Barack Obama --- now that's the audacity of hope!"

And that's all the damage we were able to record of the runaway blue card.

TOP TEN: Sarah Palin Excuses - the other day when Sarah Palin was giving an interview and pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving, in the background the camera picked up a turkey being slaughtered for the holidays. DOH!
10. I can see Russia, but I can't see what's going on 5 feet behind me.
2. I'll get right back to ya! I'm still adorable, America.

We received some sad news today. A member of the Late Show family, Tom Richards, passed away this weekend. He was our head electrician and has been with the show since we came to CBS in 1993. It was always nice to have Tom around. He had a smile for you all the time, which we in turn you would make our own. Tom, only 50, leaves two children. Dave talks to them personally, and says "Know this about your father; when he showed up, everybody was always very very happy to see him. Just a terrific guy."
Tom Richards: January 18, 2008 - November 22, 2008.

ACT 3:
NICOLE KIDMAN
- the lovely Ms. Kidman is dressed in all black. Remember when all our guests would dress in all black? It was something I was fixated on back when I started this thing . . . . oh, my . . . . . 12 years ago November 25th. Yeesh.
It's been awhile since Nicole has been here last. Nicole agrees and wonders just how long. Before she can finish her wonder, Dave blurts "Three-and-a-half years." That made me laugh.
And since she's been here, Nicole married country singing star Keith Urban. He's from New Zealand, or as we know it as "Australia's Canada." Dave is curious how Keith, from New Zealand, became a singer of American country music. Most of the segment was about Keith and, though she is proud of her hubby, Nicole wanted to talk about her movie, "Australia," in theaters Wednesday November 26th. We learn that Keith was a fan of Australian country music and when he came to America, he moved to Nashville and the rest you can pretty much figure out.
Next week, we hope to have Keith Urban on the show to talk about Nicole Kidman.

Dave asks Nicole what she knows about horses. She rides in the film, and I think she's ridden in past movies ("Far and Away"). Dave then suddenly changes course and says how much he admires Nicole's beautiful face. Nicole is charmed by the compliment, but then wonders about the segue from horses to her face. Dave assures her that the loveliness simply overpowered at the moment. One had nothing to do with the other. Back to the horses: whenever Dave talks about horses with a guest, he wants to know if they've ever been thrown. Like any motorcycle rider, all horseback riders have been thrown, and if not thrown, then they've fallen off. Dave points out there is a big difference between falling off a horse and being thrown. Dave describes his being thrown more like a launch. Nicole says she was thrown from a polo horse, a horse she was not equipped to ride.
I've never ridden a horse. The only horse I rode had a stick coming out of its plastic foam-filled head. Remind me to retell the story of being at the bar when I put the "William Tell Overture" on the jukebox. It's a hoot.
Nicole recently became the mom of a daughter. It has put her in a whole new state of mind. She is either with her baby or wants to hurry back home to be with her baby. Dave understands fully. He has the same feeling with Harry.
"Australia" - it opens Wednesday, November 26th. It'll do for Australia what Crocodile Dundee did for the country/continent.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Reese Witherspoon; and musical guest Harry Connick, Jr.
Due to the economy, we need your support to continue our quality programming. Please insert one dollar into your television now. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
Dave recaps his interview with Nicole. He feels like a dope. He felt like a dumb kid at the end of a bad date, "Will it be OK if I called you again?"

SIMON BAKER
He's the Mentalist, the new hit show on CBS. I almost hate to call it a "new" show. Whenever I do that, I later find out it's been on for 5 years. I'm sorry, but unless a ball is involved and the people are wearing a helmet, I don't watch too much TV. I think this is the 2nd season of "The Mentalist." Simon is also from Australia and has known Nicole Kidman for quite a while. Dave and Simon then talk about Nicole. Darn. Too bad we missed the chance to talk about Nicole when we had her here. Nicole is the godmother to Simon's 7-year-old son. His daughter's godmother is Naomi Watts. His son is getting to the age where he realizes his dad is "somebody." He saw his dad's picture on the cover of a magazine and said to him, "Dad, did you know you are, like, kind of famous?" Simon thought a minute and said proudly, "Yeah, I guess I am." And then his son shot back, "That's pretty cool . . . but you are not as famous as Naomi."
Dave asks Simon about his Australian accent and if is difficult to switch over to an American accent for his role on "The Mentalist," Tuesday nights at 9:00 on CBS. Simon says it takes a conscious effort to keep himself American. And is there a certain dialect Simon shoots for? Is he more southern, or Midwest, or Boston? Simon laughs and says he's simply trying for anywhere between the Atlantic and the Pacific. Dave asks Simon to say something in American. "Fat chance of that, Dave" says Simon with a smile. Get rid of the smile and Simon would make a fine New Yorker.
"The Mentalist" - Tuesday nights at 9:00 on the Tiffany Network, CBS.

CLOSE
KANYE WEST
From his new CD, "808s & Heartbreak," Kanye West performed "Love Lockdown."

And that was our show for Monday, November 24, 2008.



12 years of doing the Wahoo Gazette and still no one knows about it. And I'm talking about no one on the staff.

And now it's time for My Nicole Kidman Story.
Late 1980s - early 1990s. I was walking to the subway from the east side of Manhattan to the west. I passed by Barney's Mens Clothing store at Madison and 61st. On the side street all by herself was the face of a woman with the smoothest, prettiest skin I had ever seen. Then I noticed the beautiful curled hair. And a perfectly slender statuesque body. And then I noticed it was that actress . . . . Nicole Kidman! I thought it was odd for her to be standing all alone on a side street late at night waiting for a ride. I approached her to ask if everything was OK . . . . but she was too pretty for me to say hello. So I ran away.
And that's my Nicole Kidman story.

It's a shame that Late Show staff members miss out on stories like my Nicole Kidman story.

How bad are things at Notre Dame? People are talking about the halcyon days of Gerry Faust.

Last week I was driving in New Jersey and saw my first "$1.99" gallon of gas. I reacted as if I saw a bald eagle. I exclaimed to my kids, "Look! A dollar-99!"

New York Knick fans are giddy after their team traded two of their better players. The fans glee has to do with the team dropping the expensive contracts and it will get them under the salary cap. This will enable the Knicks to sign up one, if not two, of the top free agents in two years. I feel this is kind of like cheating and taking the short cut to a run for the championship. I'd prefer the team climb to the top the old fashioned way, through the draft, trades, and hustle. There's a part of me that hopes LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, and Kobe Bryant all decide to stay where they are and leave the Knicks with their mouth agape, "Wha' happened?"

Where were you 90 years ago today! November 24, 1918 debuted the comic strip, "Gasoline Alley."
Gasoline Alley debuted under the title 'Sunday Morning in Gasoline Alley' written and drawn by Frank King. It was first published November 24, 1918 and is widely recognized as a pioneering comic strip, especially notable for being perhaps the first comic to depict its characters aging as the years progressed.
Featuring four cronies, working on their jalopies in the back alley where they lived, it featured Walt Wallet, Bill, Doc, and Avery, neighbors tinkering with their cars on the weekend.

I've always found it comforting to see Gasoline Alley in the funnies. It offered a glimpse back in time. And it never forgot to salute our troops and veterans when their special day rolled around.

The earliest comics I remember reading in the Sunday paper were Gasoline Alley, Moon Mullins, Dondi, Maw Green, and Smokey Stover. For some reason, I always remembered this simple Maw Green comic . . . .
Maw says: "I read where a milk bath is good for your skin."
A friend replies: "Pasteurize?"
Maw: "No, just up to your knees"

And I've been dying to use that joke ever since. I'm just waiting for the right moment.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Maloney Marketing Group, it's Bobby "Hognoxious" Smittle.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com